All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Sorry am not being much of a support at the moment. Am in a really bad spot, am trying to talk myself out of it but it's not working worth diddly-bloody-squat.
Just wrote in my r/v thread... just to warn it's an ed/sui trig probaby, if you want to read. Whatever. Don't bother. I'm not that important.
:(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*cuddles oliver, helen, april, silverflame, and quiet1*
Dont remember much of my evening. Gave that speech i guess... i dont remember... apparently it went well so says ppl in my class. Have a massive headache now.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
April... I read your thread, I want to hug you so much right now! There's not a lot I can do, but I wish I could.
MammaMia I hope your foot calms down and you're okay
*cuddles everyone*
And if all the world was perfect, I would only ever want to see your scars.
They can have their universe, we'll be in the dirt designing stars.
*hugs and cuddles everyone*
didn't read most of what was posted since i was last here... sorry just not that focusable right now...
april- i read your vent because you are important... and well because it makes me feel less alone in the thinking way... um if that makes any sense at all...
helen- how's the foot doing love?
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
My feet are giving painful pins&needles now, still feels like a really bad itch. I just want my feet to get better now please?? Also, can everything else get better too please? :'(
i went to my therapy appt. she kinda helped me get through til now without cutting. that's good. however, i want to cut now. and i don't really have any reason not to. i have so much reason to do it.
we talked about this eval appt for IOP and i could reschedule it if i want to. and i am not sure i want to. i am not sure what i want. most of the time i think i want to be healthy and i just can't. other times i want to be sick and destructive and let myself implode.
right now i am overwhelmed and numbed out. cutting would help. it would help me feel real. getting myself prepared for another night of horribly violent dreams. yay me.
enough about me.
*hugs everyone*
April- so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. honey, school is tough under any circumstances, not to mention when you have other things going on. you cannot beat yourself up about it because you are comparing yourself to other people who do not have the same struggles as you. you are a good student who works harder than others have to. it sounds like all of this is bringing on your ed thoughts. that's a slippery slope that will be hard to climb back up from. you know that. and as hard as it is to keep your head above water with it, it is best to try.
Laura, good for you for doing your presentation! that's awesome. i know exactly how you feel when the word presentation is attached to an assignment. instant panic. i have actually dropped classes upon seeing the syllabus. One class required a short drive to an elementary school nearby and I dropped it right away. I am impressed that you are able to trudge forward even though you were terrified. it builds character and self-esteem even if you don't remember it!
i have run out of useful things to say.
*head desk*
Last edited by quiet1 : 19-02-2010 at 04:04 AM.
Reason: left something out
*cuddles everyone who wants or needs a cuddle then disappears into a dark corner*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Spent 5 hours at A&E today with my housemate. Now really not doing well, but I can't go to hospital until the results of my complaints come through ....
Man, someone just take my head off for a while ... please ???????
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*cuddles Kahlia, Laura, quiet1, Crimson, Helen, Jet, SilverFlame, and anyone else I missed (sorry!!)*
Thanks for the support, guys. I still feel crappy about being, well, so dumb about everything. Crimson, I'm glad that you don't feel so alone. And quiet1, you're right in that I oughtn't compare myself to other students who aren't struggling with the same stuff. It's just that it's so difficult... I compare myself constantly, physically & emotionally, & I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to stop, basically. :(
Jarrod (hubby) stayed home from work today, which was nice... pleasant to have him here. He needed a break from the "idiocy there," as he put it. Lol. Sounds like an ideal workplace... *rolls eyes*
I am exhausted. Got up at 4:30am today. :(
*facepalm*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
* Hugs to all who need them *
Back in the real world after having my wedding head on . I got put in charge of the rings! That responsibility plus Lithium meant I was shaking when I gave the rings to the Bride( My lil Sis) and groom . Apart from being nervous I had a good time and am only 3 days away from being 1 month S.I. free , I've bought my bracelet in readiness:) It' will be a milestone for me . I'm feeling really positive :) I hope you are all doing well :D
Last edited by Doikers : 19-02-2010 at 01:19 PM.
Reason: spelling error
I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones
It's okay , they know me here .
Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)
''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"
