Can this depressed mood, suicidal ideation and urge to self harm stop now please?
*disappears into the dark to cry*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*Puts a blanket over MammaMia so she doesn't get cold* (sorry I haven't picked up your name yet).
*Pushes a box of tissues into the darkness towards Kahlia just in case she needs them*.
*Lies down and pretends that if she stays there long enough she'll fall asleep eventually*.
Urgh, sorry didn't respond all day, have been pretty busy!!
*cuddles for all* Sorry also, am not in a good place for responses atm. Really anxious & stressed... feel like **** for no good reason & want to die. Can't talk to my NP or therapist about it though as they want me to go into the hospital if I keep feeling this way... :(
Busy day, yes. Went to my parents' in the morning & my mum helped me get some uni stuff done (yus, once again skipping church for uni work :( that makes me sad but I can't really help it... or can I? am I just a stupid slacker? ) - resume & cover letter are complete!! Woohoo. So that's good. Ate too much at lunch, wanted to purge.
Came home, got stuff for laundry, went & did laundry, came back home, & here we are. Hopefully won't be going anywhere else tonight.
*hides in dark corner*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I don't know if anyone reads my support thread, or even cares, but I used it last night to start making note of my research into the appalling treatment of psychiatric patients in my home town of Townsville, Qld, Australia. Of course, Townsville wasn't the only city or town to have massive atrocities committed in the name of psychiatric help but what sickens me the most is the fact that the leopard has not changed his spots. The system is tainted right from the top, and the hostile defensive attitude of the Director of Mental Health is detrimental to the health of the patients.
Sorry, I'm sure you didn't need to read all (or possibly any) of that. If you are interested in the start of what will be an article feel free to read my support thread. http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...=76148&page=24
*sneaks into the denial tent for a break*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
i know i use the words 'I' and 'can't' a lot at the moment and i don't want to feel like this. but i can't do this anymore. i don't want to. i don't want to be here. i don't want to exist. i want to drink a lot, smoke and hurt myself. i want to self destruct and i'm sick of feeling this way. i've got noone to talk to here, unless i want to make some stressed people more stressed and i really just need a cuddle :'(
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
Kahlia, I'll check it out. :) Sounds like you're putting forth quite a bit of effort for a VERY good cause!! Bravo.
LauraFriend, I understand... I feel the same way. I just want to self destruct and it's like... I can't. And I can't talk to people about how I feel because then they'll worry even more. I am so sick of life. But anyway, I understand at least a little what you feel like. *more cuddles*
Helen *cuddles* How are you, sweetie?
♥
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I feel numb too, kind of. :( *cuddles Helen & LauraFriend* Be careful, please, Laura... don't do anything too risky, despite how much you want to do it.
I'm still suicidal... damn it... can't tell my parents as they would flip and I can't have that. Jarrod (husband) knows but can't really do anything... I see my therapist tomorrow & she told me to go to the ER last time I told her (in a text, so she couldn't really evaluate how I was doing). Gahhh. I feel so trapped.
*hides away for a long time*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hugs April* maybe ER is a good idea...i dunno. i've never been. as long as you're not by yourself :) *hugs*
I'm not going out. I can't be bothered. I've got counselling in the morning too....not that I think she'll be any help at all. I'd be surprised if she doesn't get me sectioned tbh. i kind of want her to do something but i don't think she will....urgh. i don't even know anymore. mind****.
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
i suck at life... i can't even rant right... *hides in denial tent*
I was lei'd in vets! ***** Proud Plumeria Sister!
"He said look inside your heart/ And you'll see stars/ Falling stars/ Look, deep into my eyes/ Don't look down/ Or you'll fall, he said/ Here, the sky goes on forever"
I feel so tired and drained .... and so sick of crying. So damn over it all.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Kahlia, I'll check it out. :) Sounds like you're putting forth quite a bit of effort for a VERY good cause!! Bravo.
Thanks for the cuddles April. I don't know if you have read what I wrote ... it's just very early stages at the moment but all the information I have is from official Commission & Inquiry reports. It is extremely interesting.
My mood is way low. I couldn't stop crying all morning. It just came out of nowhere and wouldn't go away. Good stuff has happened, but I can't feel good. And the hospital thinks that all it needs to do is keep me safe - but without changing anything in the situation, there isn't going to be a point where I feel safe. *bangs head against wall*
*cuddles everyone then disappears into the darkness*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Kahlia ♥ what exactly is the situation that is causing you so much pain?
Helen, how you doing, love?
LauraFriend, what's up?
*holds you all gently*
I'm so tired. Got up at 5:45am... too early, lol, but I wanted some time on WoW before I had to get ready to leave. Therapy this morning. Am not looking forward to that. At all. Oh well, I hope it'll be better than I think it will be... it usually is except this time we're going to have to talk about the suicidality. :(
Then I go to tutoring, for 2 hours, then an hour break, then class. *sigh* I don't want to. *whinge* Heh... :'(
So it's a long day... & there's still homework that I need to do, that I will be doing in a moment. GRRRR. :(
:(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
) - resume & cover letter are complete!! Woohoo. So that's good. Ate too much at lunch, wanted to purge.
