try to resist sweetie. Weldone for talking to ur friend, communication is so important, we were made to interact and support one another.
I'm so glad ur feeling even a smidgin (sp!) better, try to distract urself hon. stay strong, I know you can x x x
I really want to cut/purge too, Helen. *cuddles* I'm sorry you feel that way... we just went out for pizza & while it was good I feel like I ate too much. Of course. So yeah... but we don't NEED to do it... either of those things... we can make it. *hugs tight*
I feel like **** tonight. Today, really. It's been a pretty rough day, as I've said. I have a thread in the main (Vet's support) forum, you can check it out if you want... no pressure... :-/ Sorry for being annoying!!!
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I don't know if I can resist the SI urges... I really don't want to either. I know, rubbish and I'm supposed to be recovering & all, but I don't have any motivation not to cut. I NEED to cut... :( that sounds stupid and all... I know... but... :(
I'm really rubbish at life. I just need to quit it. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Ugh I had pizza tonight too (plus a second dinner, don't ask, I didn't want either of them!!!) and only ate two slices. Beginning to wish I brought the rest home to pig out on. Good job I didn't though. (Y)
I am soooooooooooooo tired and feel so shitty and ill >_>
Am exhausted too. Went to bed at 9pm last night after a late night class (it got out an hour early or else I'd've gone to bed at 10 instead) and got up at 5:45am... I usually go to bed at 7pm or so... so yeah. :( Tiiiiiiired.
I feel really **** right now... *cuddles Helen because we both need cuddles* What's going on in your head, love?
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Don't feel guilty if u can't resist sweetie. We all know that its our coping mechanism. Pretty ****ed up one but still if we haven't addressed the issues and haven't found any decent alternatives then it's normal that we'll stick with what u know.
Try to be safe whatever u do hon.
Weldone hon for not taking it home. eating too much doesnt make anyone (or most people anyway) feel good. I hope u get some decent sleep
*sigh* Yeh it is pretty ****ed up that we have coping mechanisms like that... :( I wish I could just get over it. But, as we all know, it's not that simple...
I don't have anything else that really and truly works. I feel so desperate I'd do it tonight except Jarrod's home and I feel guilty if I do it when he's around.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hugs back* Thanks love... nice to know someone understands - or a lot of people rather - since I know there are others on this site... but I'm sorry that you understand, too... :( no one deserves this pain except for me. :(
Gonna go do my workout, then soak in the tub for a bit, then bed I think...
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Sorry no individual replies, I have been reading but don't feel like I'm in a position to comment. :(
It's been a busy morning so far and it's just after 10:30 am. I decided to have a shower before waking up my housemate, and he woke himself up. We talked a bit and I got a text from my tdoc with an alternative email address on it, so I resent my email to his other address. Then I rang my employment counsellor to let her know what was going on. She suggested ringing the crisis team, so I did and now I feel even worse than before. To give you some kind of idea of how the conversation went I ended it with "if I'm ever feeling fine and want to feel suicidal I'll give you a call". Pretentious pricks they all are. Now I just have to wait to hear back from my tdoc ... and if he doesn't reply in time, it will mean a hospital visit. My housemate has said that he won't come with me this time because of how much responsibility they shrugged off onto his shoulders.
Personally I just want it all to stop.
*sneaks into the denial tent so all the crap isn't happening*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
I had a call from the crisis team saying they had spoken to my tdoc. My housemate and I actually believe that my tdoc rang them and told them to pull their fingers out ... but I guess we'll wait and see. They have arranged with me to do a home visit at 1:30 pm - which is less than 30 minutes away now. I'm going to record the conversation, which I'm sure that they won't be happy about but I have been misquoted, misdiagnosed and mistreated so many times that I need to have a record of what they are saying. I do realise that I have to inform them first of what I am going to do.
My housemate and I have talked about things, and we are trying to set things up so that those higher up (and out of the boys club that forms our city health service district and hospital) are aware of the situation.
My housemate floated the idea of moving south because the health care is better there ... and I seriously agree with him. I don't know whether he wants me to move with him if he goes, and if I decide to go, but right now I really have to think about what is best for me, and if moving is the best option, then move I shall.
If anything my situation is getting worse as the day progresses. I'm just so sick of all of this.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
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