The following content has been hidden - Reason : long, and cant change type size for some reason...
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : long, and cant change type size for some reason...
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someonebelieve you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Hahaha I just read the entire thread and drove my bf nuts reading out random lame jokes hahaha.
Q: What does a blonde say when she looks into a box of cheerios?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Punchline
A: Oooo! Doughnut seeds!
Q: What does a blonde and a bottle of beer have in common?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Punchline
A: They're both empty from the neck up
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Punchline
A: Write "Please Turn Over" on both sides of a piece of paper
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Punchline
A: Shine a torch in her ear!
A blonde was driving a friend to catch a plane. She saw a sign saying "Airport Left", so she turned around and went home
In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear. You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again. Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different
Yeah ironically I love blonde jokes, I suppose its my ability to laugh at myself. Oooo just remembered another one:
A blonde walks into a train station and sees a brunette jumping over the track chanting "four, four, four, four" and decides to join in. Around 5 minutes later the train pulls into the station and the brunette jumps on the platform leaving the blonde to get squashed.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : :-
After the train leaves the brunette jumps back on the tracks and starts chanting "five, five, five, five"
In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear. You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again. Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different
A rabbit walks into the butchers and asks 'Got any carrots?'
The butcher replies 'No, this is a butchers not a grocery' So the rabbit leaves.
The next day the rabbit comes back in and says 'Got any carrots?' and the butcher says 'no, get out'. So the rabbit leaves.
The next day the rabbit comes back in and says 'Got any carrots?' And the butcher says 'If you ask me that one more time, I'll nail your ears to the wall.' So the rabbit leaves.
The next day the rabbit comes back in and says 'Got any nails?' and the butcher says 'No, this is a butchers, not a hardware store' So the rabbit says 'Got any carrots?'
A blonde went on holiday to Louisiana, and wanted to get some genuine alligator shoes, so she went from store to store in searching for some, but got frustrated at the prices everywhere she looked, Finally she shouted at one of the store managers “I think I will go into the swamp and catch my own alligator so that I can get a pair of shoes.” At the end of the day, while driving home, the store manager saw the blonde inside a swamp with a shotgun in hand, surrounded by several dead alligators. He pulled over just as the blonde spotted another alligator, took a perfect aim, killed the alligator, single-handedly pulled it out to the bank with all the others,
The following content has been hidden - Reason : hehe
flipped the alligator on its back and shouted “Damn, this one's not wearing any shoes either.”
In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear. You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again. Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an plane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him £5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her £50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him £5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde £50.00
The blonde put the £50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him £5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You’ve got mail!' ”
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Adult
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Answer
A: So they've got somewhere to rest their feet
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Adult
Q: What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Answer
A: A brunette with smelly breath
In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear. You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again. Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different
