I agree with Emma it shouldn't be too much to ask... but it can feel like it.. I'm hoping that things will soon start to brighten up for you... feel free to yell on here all you want; we're here for you.
take care!! [hope your wounds heal quickly]
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
I think he was drunk, but you were more so. You should not guilt yourself about what happened hun. You have to get past this because right now it is only eating you up. If if it is hurting you so much could you swap shifts or something? *squishes*
It was brought to my attention that I had not updated here or in the psych ward how I am doing...
So for the few of you that care here it is...
I did not update because I cannot... I do not know what is up... whether I am just 'Out of Sorts' or it is worse *shrug*.
Sorry
Love y'all
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I don't know why I'm writing... Actually I don't know much at all except that I want to go home and climb in bed and not come out... *thinks longingly of a nap*
What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!
*retreats to her corner and sits there trying not to take up too much space*
I shouldn't even be here... it really was a pointless and pathetic post... and besides it's not like I've been of help to anyone else...
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Don't worry about anyone else Ally *squishes*, people understand. You are struggling and you need extra care and support hun. You do belong here. Can you maybe try and keep talking, sometimes it helps? xxx
Ally, please don't feel that you can't post.. you're needing support right now and that's totally fine, people here understand that and want to help you... if it helps you to write here, do it as often as you want and need. I wish I had more words for you; but please know I am listening and thinking of you.
*hugs*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
So, I've been tapering off my Zoloft as I am running out and have not been able to find a new doc yet. Well, the other day a gal I know told me that a clinic in a little town about 15 min drive from here is accepting new patients. I don't want a new doc as I don't want to involve anyone else in any of this. I don't want to have to go into all this **** with someone new. I don't want to feel humiliated yet again... but, after having a headache all day yesterda (one of the withdrawal affects I experienced last time) i decided to make the call and see about getting an appointment.
So, I made the call and was informed that they do have one doc who is taking new patients but that I would need to have my medical chart sent so he could look at it. Now, it makes perfect sense to me, that he should want to look at it first, however... my immediate reaction was a tightning in my throaght and the thought that, what if he doesn't want me? Now, what I ment was what if he doesn't want to have to deal with me and all my drama... but, either way, it still causes my throat to tighten and... I don't know.
It's just that, as much as I don't want a new doc, as much as I hate the thought of having to go into it one more time (I really am tired of feeling humiliated and ashamed), the fact of the matter is that I need to find someone. I'm down to 100 mg from 200 mg and am already starting to feel like this tapering off until I'm totally off it is not such a good idea... I actually cried in front of my friend (who used to be my cqampus minister and is technically one of the pastors at my church but is first and foremost a friend) the other day, something I never do... as a matter of fact, I cried on him when he hugged me goodbye .
I'm such a f**ked up mess... sorry all.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I'm so Out of Sorts. Were I to be honest I would say I am probably feeling more Lousy to Awful (these, my friends, are my way of explaining varying degrees of depression *shrug*). Worse, I'm not sure what it is all about. I believe most of it is just 'part and parcel of the disorder' as I am fond of saying. But I think a large part of it also has to do with crap I've brought on myself. The biggest worry in my life right now is some student financial aid from my University. I lost my job the end of October and after November was unable to make payments. I was dealing with the after effects of a car accident at the same time and put off filling out paper work for a deferment. I've been off my medication for months now (my last dose of Welbutrin which was the one that helped the most was in December, my last of Zoloft, I think, January or February) and been feeling worse as time goes by. I've been feeling lousy and with that been irresponsible and now i find myself, four months after first talking to the gal in financial aid having not made a single payment or getting the paperwork filled out. I just got a letter saying it had been turned over to collections and they now want the full $6000 + (I don't even have enough money to pay my entire electricity bill for this past month). I know it's my fault but I think some of it might be that this feeling lousy, I just don't want to do ANYTHING and that includes running around town doing errands to get this paper work ready. I hate talking on the phone so I haven't called anyone... Oh, I've gotten myself in such a mess and it's just made me feel worse What in the world have I done? I owe money there, there's my credit card... my credit is just awful... I've ruined everything, what kind of a future am I to have now?
Sorry this is such a mess... I can't really think straight enough to write coherently.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I know we have spoken a bit about this Ally but just wanted to leave *hugs* and remind you how special and wonderful you are. I'm always here if you want to chat about things (even if I ramble :P) xx
Thanks, Emma luv :) I just wish you could believe that about yourself (I know it to be true, after all). And you don't ramble, even drunk ;)
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
. 
but yeah, do look after urself there xx
