eep *little wave* hi to everyone on this thread, hope your all managing well.
im really sad today as earlier i was not coping well with all the thoughts and emotions pounding in my head and the insistant voice, as i have been really stressed the past few days over many things and the next thing i know im standing in the bathroom with my arm all cut up and only a vague recollection of how it happened.
its been nearly 2 years sine this last happened and im scared. i dont want to be like this again :(
i feel so small and alone.
hi Stellata
i'm with you on that. switching quickly while in public can be SO confusing when its with strangers. could it be that someone was looking after you by doing something you were struggling with, even at a subtle level? when that happens to me i just offer thanks inside and say i respect what you need to do, its good you had body time and i want to trust that you will keep us all safe
sometimes, like with you Dollheart, i find out later that something really heavy has happened and it scares me. i'm learning to accept that my response is natural and not to be ashamed of or try and hide it from the rest of the system (which is pretty hard to do for me) and i see it as a communication/expression of what's going on for them even though the way it turns out seems to suggest something quite different, i.e. everyone just wants to be ok, have some kind of control and get their needs met. i hope that doesn't sound patronising. just sharing how i cope and understand this stuff from my own perspective
sounds like you've got some understanding support bleeding black. if its ok to make a suggestion cos i've known information to be used against people in this way, be a tad wary of who you share system information with. i've known some really bogus folks try to copy whats going on for people for their own ends and find buttons to press to take advantage of their vulnerability. don't want to trigger anyone. just want people to be as safe as possible
for me things seem to be calmer. i'm getting more focused and want to start fighting the good fight again, even though there are so many dodgy people out there who want to undermine it
one of my parts who was co-x has gone co-sep and i don't know why but feel like ive failed in some way. i miss that connection and feel kinda abandoned and ashamed that i've done something bad. anyone got ideas about that?
I was just wondering whether anyone thought this sounded like dissociation? I don't really know what it is to be honest!
I keep feeling like I'm not here. I could do anything and not feel it. It's as if I'm in another world. I mean I see everyone around me but I just feel detached. I feel like I'm floating.
I don't know whether that makes any sense or what it is!
Yes, that sounds like a form of dissociation. When does it come up for you most?
Chris, I've not had any more amnesia episodes, fortunately. But I have been pretty much in the grip of my Other One, my split off self, this past week or so. I'm really triggered, and it's making *her* come forward in full force. Total self destruction to protect myself from the pain of feeling rejection. My therapist is being really patient and compassionate with me though, and using it as an opportunity for me and her to understand more.
hi faraway fairy... on the face of it it could be a form of dissociation called derealization (lots of info on it on the web) but if you're able to talk to a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist about it then they can iron out the questions hopefully.. cos its important to suss out if its caused by anything going on in your body, like a sugar low or other stuff
hi katie.. how i relate to that is recent experiences of mine and how i responded once i got to understand that part's needs just a little. i reached in with compassion, respect and a wish to let them know that i understand what they're doing is an expression of what's going on for them rather than anything else. things shifted after that and it was quite a relief. may be repeating myself here so sorry if i am!
utterly brilliant that you've got a good therapist who can understand that kind of stuff. they seem to be rare but i'm glad you've got one
Respect is something I'm learning. I never had much of it when growing up, and end up getting tangled into re-traumatisation when I get defensive and angry when 'crossed' in public.
I have a question please. I used to always feel like I wasn't real whenever I went out but now it's changed in that everything isn't real and I just feel like I'm dreaming. Is this still dissociation? I have schizpohrenia and the leaflets they gave me said pyschosis is like you're sleepwalking and it's sort of like that so does anyone know which it would be? I did mention it to my pysch but he didn't comment on it. I'm seeing him on Thursday so I'll have to say it again, it's getting really bad, it happens when I'm out and I don't know what to do when it happens, I'm scared I'll get lost or do something. Thanks.
far as i know, dissociative symptoms usually come from the experience of considerable shock/trauma of some kind, which could be loss, abuse, a car accident, many different things
to separate out psychotic stuff from dissociative stuff it would be useful to talk to a psychologist who understands psychosis and dissociation. the way you describe, in dissociative terms i'd say it sounds like derealization and a way through that is to ground yourself in the here and now, things around you, smells, your environment, get a baby toy from early learning centre that has crinkly and scrunchy bits and play with that when reality feels far away
if what you experience is due to schizophrenic symptoms then meds should help if you talk to a doctor/psychiatrist
all that said, there's a lot of crossover between schizophrenia and dissociation when it comes to meds, so whatever it is, meds and grounding yourself may be a helpful way forward
Thanks slacker, yeah that helps. I'm taking new meds for voices and thoughts and I asked the doctor if they'd help with that as well and she said they will so I hope they do. They've said it was depersonalisation before when I asked about not feeling real. I guess feeling like I'm dreaming isn't too different from that. Thanks again, I'll post to let you know if the new meds help.
my system's gone on 'all quiet' for the last couple of days. kinda weird. i'm hoping this doesn't mean anything. i don't like surprises... spesh when it comes to my system
How do you mean? Do you mean completely silent?
Havr you got any clues as to why, like has there been any inner or outer disputes? Anything particularly stressful come up?
If you have a therapist or a psych try talking to them about it
I hope you find some clues.... We're here if you want to talk
urm, im not really sure with me.. i was wondering if anyone knows what this is.. or wether its ''normal''
erm, well i have a bit of an eating dissorder, the whole girl in the head thing
but now she kind of takes over..
but shes only really on about eating (i think)
i really dont remeber anything in the time she talks, its wierd, and i get a killer headache after and am a bit distressed
im really not sure in the fact that she talks to me etc, does that change it?
she usually talks if im very emotional etc
most usually over eating related things
shes actually stopped talking as much, as she was on msn talking to 2 people who help me, and they like mad her agree with stuff
idk.. its very confusing
also she refuses to give herself a name, however others have given her a name
that's just it, i've not got a clue what's striggered the all quiet although just today i had some really good personal space and got in touch with one of my littles, which was a relief. i'm guessing things are kinda ok but i'm not absolutely sure if there's anything on the horizon
i do have a social worker and she's absolutely pants. even the things she says she's going to do don't happen. a total waste of time. and my psychiatrist hasn't got a clue even though i've offered to resource information for her!! next appt is at the end of the month :( i'm sure its going to be a non-starter as she seems so fond of the statement "i dont know" when i ask her about treatment, meds or anything else
donkey of doom (excellent name btw)... just my own views, but i can relate to what you say. sometimes parts (if you are DID) can move from being co-conscious with you to co-separate (where you're not about/aware and lose time) and sometimes it can overlap. not brill when you are likely wanting just a tad of consistency
and the headache thing for me is usually when someone's wanting some body time (co-sep) or trying to communicate (often when they're disagreeing with me when i'm talking to someone) and can get really painful
please tell me if i've been triggering or unhelpful here. this thread seems to have gone quiet and i'm worried my joining has been unhelpful. that's the last thing i'd want. please, anyone, tell me if that's the case
this space is for everyone and i don't want to block anyone's access to support
I just wanted to say this thread is generally pretty quiet anyway.
I think a lot of the people on the site with Dissociative problems tend to be on other boards in which they can be far more open with their feelings.
So, please, don't feel as though you are causing a problem in the thread, your words of wisdom are reaching me, despite my lack of a reply (of which I am very apologetic).
aww slacker of course you haven't been unhelpful *hugs* you were very helpful to me. I'm sorry I didn't reply, I tend to stick to the ed forum. I hope you're ok though. My things (dissociating) seems to have gone away since I was put on a new medication so I'm very glad.
