Me and my sister - Page 10

tamobhuuta · 12-11-2022, 12:06 PM

I don't let them weigh me because anyone knowing any number would be really upsetting. It's hard to tell how my clothes fit because I wear them baggy to start with. Like you I look different in different reflections.

Elmer · 15-11-2022, 06:31 PM

Do you think that it might be worth giving your CPN the benefit of the doubt then? It sounds like he might be able to see you more objectively than you can right now.

I also wanted to add to the mirrors thing - on top of your own dysmorphia, it’s worth remembering that psych ward mirrors aren’t always very good at doing accurate reflections - the ones I’ve looked in have always made me look a bit wonky!

Of course I stand by weight gain not being bad, but it helps to remember that body image is a weird thing, and other people often see us differently than we see ourselves.

tamobhuuta · 10-12-2022, 01:37 PM

Is it normal to have meals or days when you're ashamed to eat?

Elmer · 10-12-2022, 02:35 PM

Only if you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Which you are very aware you have.

tamobhuuta · 10-12-2022, 02:53 PM

Thanks.

That sounds sarky. I mean, thanks for reminding me what's normal.

Elmer · 10-12-2022, 03:48 PM

Would it help to add regular eating/meals to your self-care chart? Because eating and drinking enough is definitely self-care and should be applauded - it's never shameful

tamobhuuta · 11-12-2022, 01:31 PM

Yes, I'm counting lunch on my self care list.

Elmer · 11-12-2022, 03:57 PM

That's great :)

And well done for having lunch, it sounds like it was difficult.

tamobhuuta · 17-12-2022, 02:50 PM

My named nurse and I were going through my care plan and she said my weight was fine, she thought I hadn't gained weight from clozapine (she didn't know me preclozapine) and she also put in about not weighing because of history of restricting. I'm really glad she understood.

tamobhuuta · 09-03-2023, 11:37 AM

I'm slipping into old eating patterns. I tell myself I'm eating healthier but I'm not. That I'm saving food, but I know truthfully it's not about that. The GP asked me about my diet and I was ashamed of it so now I'm restricting. But of course I don't restrict my chocolate intake. I mean, I do, but no more than I did already. In hospital I was giving myself a tick on my self care chart for eating proper meals. Would it be pathetic to go back to that?

Elmer · 10-03-2023, 10:09 AM

Sorry to hear things are getting trickier. I don't think that would be pathetic at all, I think it's a really good idea

tamobhuuta · 10-03-2023, 08:48 PM

Thanks Elmer x

tamobhuuta · 06-04-2023, 02:44 PM

I'm annoyed! Just as she is finally starting to think about tackling her eating issues, my sister has been dropped by ED services because her key worker is leaving and my sister is at a healthy weight. She's not! She is visibly underweight, over exercises and under eats. She's now losing weight due to another traumatic event.

I'm just frustrated. Any encouragement?

Pi.R^2 · 06-04-2023, 04:27 PM

ED services in this country are an effing joke and I'm so sorry your sister has found herself in this position. Recovery is absolutely possible but it does often need a lot of work and not relying on ED services. I'm so pleased that she seems to have made some progress and reached a place where she's at least thinking about tacking her eating issues, it's such a shame that support has been withdrawn at this point! I know your mum is a good advocate, what is she thinking in terms of next steps?

tamobhuuta · 09-04-2023, 10:37 AM

At the moment there are no new steps. We're looking at Mum walking the line between encouraging N to eat and her not feeling threatened.

Pi.R^2 · 09-04-2023, 10:53 PM

I hope that she’ll hold on to the bits of progress she made and talk to you guys about how best to support her with aiming for recovery. I know it must be so hard to watch.

tamobhuuta · 12-04-2023, 05:34 PM

I was on my GP account and looking at recent blood test results. Some of them were abnormal and it said they were meant to contact me. I'm worried they are going to tell me my eating is wrong which in my brain is getting translated as I need to restrict.

tamobhuuta · 13-04-2023, 10:35 AM

Even before I found my bloods results I was struggling. I tried using my self care reward chart to keep me eating but it's not really helping. I try to eat healthy but I always want chocolate! Then I feel guilty.

Pi.R^2 · 14-04-2023, 02:03 PM

I think you should at least wait until the surgery contact you before assuming your eating is wrong! I imagine that trying to force yourself to limit your chocolate intake only makes you want to eat it more I'm afraid. There is no such thing as an unhealthy food, only an unhealthy diet so it really is OK to plan a bit of chocolate or similar as part of your food for the day.

Elmer · 18-04-2023, 04:07 PM

What do you want from this thread, Tamo?

I'm not sure how to word this, but you seem to have difficulty taking on board, or sometimes even acknowledging the replies you get. Jenna's responded to you and you've had lots of replies querying your fear of being 'fat', and conflating it with 'unhealthy' (which is an attitude that is very harmful to many people) - but instead of responding to her you're right back there. Aside from the fact that weight and health are not things that should be moralised, it's difficult to post support and reassurance when half of it will never even be acknowledged or thought about.

Are you interested in recovering from your ED, or do you just want people to tell you you're not 'fat'?