Triggering (SI) - darkness is consuming me again

[mizz_devilish]

i don't really know where to start writing this post to be honest but i just need to talk to something since i don't have anyone around me who's there for me. I thought i was ok in fact for a while i was, i didn't injure myself and to be honest didn't even think about it but for the past 3 weeks i have self harmed several times everyday and to be honest i'm starting to worry myself now because i can feel myself getting worse. each time cutting more or deeper and i don't even have the hidden shame there anymore that i used to feel. i used to harm myself and regret it afterwards but now i feel.....nothing.

it's not that i'm really suicidal or anything but i'm not really too keen on living either. i guess i'm just existing at the minute because i can hardly call my life living. Anyway i suppose there isn't really much more i can say so thank you for listening

[Animad]

Do you feel you need to talk to someone? As your cutting is worsening it may be that it is not as effective as it used to be so you need to do it deeper and deeper to have the same affect such as a drug addict starts off just having a bit everyso often and then it develops. It i definately a good idea to try and distract yourself from wanting to cut because then you might be able to prevent yourself doing it and prevent it from worsening which isn't a good thing to happen; though it may seem very tempting at times.

You could also talk to the supporters on here if you feel you need to cut or phone your local crisis team.

I don't reall have much more to say, just I hope you're ok.

[tibette]

Agree with Animad really. Before you cut is the impulse so strong that you feel you can't distract or stop yourself? Have you tried the 15 min rule? You probably know what it is but incase you don't I'll try and explain when the urge to SH comes try to give yourself 15 mins before you go ahead and do it, if the urge is still there continue giving yourself 15 mins before you do anything until either the urge lessens or you can't stop it any longer. I know it might sound a bit daft but its one thing thats helped me in the past.

Also I have a goal in mind now which helps prevent me not to cut, and it never works if you're trying to stop for someone else it has to be for you, well thats what I've learnt in the last 11 years of cutting.

Sorry if I'm speaking crap, *hugs* thinking of you!

x x x x

[Porcelain Child]

I am sorry things are feeling like they are getting worst...

Do you know what has triggered your SI to suddenly start happening again?

Do you have anyone you can talk to outside of RYL?

I know you said your not to keen on living right now... is there anyway you can change that?

*squishes*

Claire...