Quantia, maybe you have BPD but your symptoms are well contolled. Perhaps at times you can still spiral back but at present you are managing well.
She has never known me to have any more symptoms. There was always discussion about PTSD, until I told her I had a laspe with self-harming. After almost 4 years without cutting, I slipped, and that seemed to give me the diagnosis. I shall ask my CPN when I see her next.
I have an assessement with an Art Therapist. They might be able to offer my art therapy, coping with depression, coping with anxiety and possibly CBT or DBT. I'm not being hopefull though.
Any ideas on who I can increase my chances of getting help? Should I get on my hands and knees when I get in there and beg for it?
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
hi , Ive been told i have this , and in same breath told it don't warrant support or any help ,I'm not in a good state right now so down .so bpd and major depression and adh and no help or support i just feel like my life is over like i said i feel down and on the edge
:)
i have not been diagnosed with BPD (with anything for that matter, not yet.. im supposed to be seeing somebody soon).. but i seem to fit some of the criteria for bpd however i dont think im involved in any risky behavior and i am guessing that is a pretty big part of the diagnosis? (i really have no idea - just a pressumtion..?)
I know the criteria for bpd are often linked or crossed with other disorders so theres obviously plenty of other things this could be.. haha im just completley lost and confused.
Back from assessment. I might be able to start group Art Therapy if they start the group. Not sure if its for me - I'm not artistic, and I panic at the sight of a blank page.
Back to being alone and hopeless, with no support. Why don't I deserve help?
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
I'm not sure what to do about the art therapy. I don't enjoy art, never have. If there was anything else (anything!) on offer, I wouldn't even consider art therapy. Its just its the only thing they'll let me do, so I wonder if I should just do it - its something isn't it? Or would it just make me feel worse about me?
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
blah so i just got back from therapy.. waste of time. we got talking on how i dont know anyone offline - his solution? go out and have sex this weekend because ive "not really been trying"
w.t.f?!???!!!
"Its fine.. salvation was just a passing thought."
quatia, it could help you express feelings safely, that's the plus of it. I've never been to art therapy, but I use art as therapy and work with what I've created in therapy. I find it immensely helpful. [I've posted some of my work in my Blog, if you're interested.]
Which criteria do you fit, OB?
I don't fit the impulsive bit either. Only very rarely, and it's tied into PTSD for me.
Criteria i fit are in bold :) with a bit of explination.
-Make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
i dont know how much i try to avoid it.. but i think i am scared of being abandoned - especialy by certain people - iv only noticed this more recently.. especialy today as i got very worried that a very close friend of mine might be moving away and i wont see her much.. however i have no basis or reason to think she is moving and no idea where that idea came from. -Have a pattern of difficult relationships caused by alternating between extremes of intense admiration and hatred of others.
i often go from being very friendly with someone to not wanting to speak to them and sometimes i have a reason (generally a pretty bad one) or sometimes i just get fed up of them.. or i dont like the way they say things or.. sometime small that isnt their fault and i start to dislike them and can be pretty bitchy. I also made one friendship difficult recently because i didnt want two of my friends (one from in school, one from out) becoming friends =/ .. that caused alota trouble - i can see why. -Have an unstable self-image or be unsure of his or her own identity.
i have pretty shity self-image - i have no idea who i really am, i dont feel 'complete' without some of my closest friends.. also having issues with my sexuality.
-Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
eh.. not so much with this one. I do go through phases of not eating - starving myself type thing.. but generally only lasts a few weeks.. eh.. occasionaly i drink with friends .. dont think any of that counts. -Have recurring suicidal thoughts, make repeated suicide attempts, or cause self-injury through mutilation, such as cutting or burning himself or herself.
yeh - iv SI'd for 2 years and had suicidal thoughts (doubt id act on them but they are there) -Have frequent emotional overreactions or intense mood swings, including feeling depressed, irritable, or anxious. These mood swings usually only last a few hours at a time. In rare cases, they may last a day or two.
I have mood swings generally from depression to being over-happy or hyper.. laughing over nothing, talking fast and just generally acting hyper, running around doing pretty stupid things. Moods tend to last a couple of hours although.. hyper moods dont last as long as depressive moods.. and i can be pretty irritable during both moods. -Have long-term feelings of emptiness.
if this is meaning emotional emptiness - like not feeling any emotion just blank? - then yes.. i often get that when im not feeling depressed or hyper.
-Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical fights.
im not really an angry person, i dont get into fights .. i dont have tantrums.. i can get pissed off with stupid things but thats more frustration or just cos im annoyed.. its not anger really. -Have temporary episodes of feeling suspicious of others without reason (paranoia) or losing a sense of reality.
ehh.. i do get kinda paranoid about things, like sometimes i think my parents are like.. going to poison me or have put something toxic in my food.. i know im being stupid so i eat whatever it is anyway haha not sure that counts cos i think i just get a bit paranoid about anything and everything, my mind likes to make up strange things but im not always convinced by them. I have had a few dissociative things like feeling outside myself or like im watching myself in a movie.. but its never got so bad i cant like speak to people im with at the time.. i can get on with it, it just feels very odd, like im not really speaking but there are words coming out my mouth.. i dunno, iv had that quite a bit.
and wow im sorry that was a long post!!.. but it has helped me get a few things down :)
i've been so up and down the past few days it has been awful. I attacked my sister the other day, as she was being her usual hateful self, and I just couldn't take it anymore and i snapped. All i remember is pulling at her hair and then being upstairs sobbing. then i start to feel better, and then miserable, then okay, back to miserable, and I cut, silly little scratches and blood is all over my duvet, it was the first time in ages. aside from the initial panic because i had a bath and one cut wouldn't stop bleeding, and my family was arriving home, i felt so serene after, for a few hours. then i got all stressed about a stupid crappy online order that i thought had gone through but my accoutn said hadn't, and the people told me to reorder, but it didn't show up, so i orderd again, and today everything shows up but is cancelled, so i reorder again and it does it twice. and no one is replying to my emails. and then happy because i got my website up and running, and then crap and worried because i have only a few days to finish all my college work, and then okay, and now depressed again. arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh why is life so crap?
Yes, it can be good to clarify, can't it, OB?
The criteria I fulfill are pretty similar - except I wouldn't say I fit the intensity of the mood swings, as I'm usually anxious and depressed on one level or another, with occasional feelings of contentment. Hyper? What's that?!!!
And my dissociation is the more severe end.
George, we won't ignore you. It sounds like there've been lots of frustrations, and that can really stir things up when you're sensitive.
Mood swings are one of my main problems.
When were you diagnosed with BPD?
I think i will probably print out quite a lot of the stuff I have written here and on other sites to take to the psych i see (whenever thats gonna be .. )
I've not been medically diagnosed. My therapist and I agree that I have traits. They're mainly carried by my PTSD-stricken alter-ego. Which is the best way to describe it...
2003 was when we recognised it. I am much more well than I used to be.
My therapist believes [and so do I, when I'm in my 'right mind'] that everyone has borderline symptoms, it's that they're present to a lesser or greater extent.
)