I'm very close to being 5 months free, and... yeah, it's been a very bumpy ride to get to this point, but I think, and excuse the religious aspects in here, realisations from a camp I went on at the weekend, that God has finally decided that I'm ready to deal with everything from my past, to work through it and get rid of all the black thorns in my "being".
There were times over the weekend when I was so, so close to cutting, but... one of the leaders came in at the right time and talked to me long enough that I didn't want to cut afterwards, and on the other time, I was beginning to feel that people were getting fed up of my mood and everything, but I got a text, then a phonecall, from one of my friends who I haven't had contact with for a long while, and it helped me to see that... people are there for me.
Just wanted to share stuff from the weekend mainly, but just the 5 months. It's the longest I've been free in the almost 11 years since I started cutting.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
Told my friend about it being almost 5 months now yesterday, and we were going out for lunch and a film and stuffs anyways, but she wanted to go and buy herself some new shoes, so we also did a bit of shoe shopping.
Got into the shoe shop, and she just turned to me and said, any pair of shoes I liked, she'd buy them for me as a well done for getting this far, and because I deserved something good after all the bad stuff that's happened over the past few months. It just made me realise how much people do care about me, and how lucky I am to know these guys.
Just wanted to share that.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
I had a wobble, as I call it, on friday evening, where I was so close to cutting, but I managed not to, not quite sure how even, but still, I didn't cut! I think that was my biggest test yet.
Went to church today, and... I felt acceptance in real life for the first time since I can remember. Everyone there has been praying for me all week as well, they say, and they didn't even know me then! It's... the kindness of strangers is so great sometimes, I can't think of the word I want to use there, but I really appreciate them, more than I can ever tell them, and you guys on here too. You've all gotten me to this point.
Thank you!
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
4 days past my 5 months now, and although my mood's been going up and down like a yo-yo, I think I've finally cracked it and gotten the support network in place that I can actually rely on when I need to, and I can actually trust myself to use.
I'm pretty confident right at this minute that I'm going to get to 6 months, and beyond, hopefully, to a year or more, but one day at a time.. always. It used to be that I'd push myself too far, and if I slipped up, well that was the end of everything, but now, now I think I can realise that a slip up isn't the end to recovery, but an integral part of it.
Don't know how much sense that made, but I'm feeling positive at the moment, and wanted to write it down.
~Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly~
