I'm new and this feels awkward.
When I was younger I was part of a support forum that I found very helpful. It was a time in my life when I needed to know and feel that there are people out there that actually understand SI.
I cut myself for the first time when I was 13 and I did it often when I was younger but now (10 years later) I stop myself from doing it more. I believe that I have gone more than a year without doing it but I have never gone more than a week without the urge.
My struggle right now is that I have been getting triggered a lot lately and I feel that I have no one to vent this onto. I got married in June and it has been a big adjustment living with someone. My husband knows that I have cut in the past but I don't think that he understands it at all. I don't think he sees me as someone with a problem and honestly I don't know if I see myself that way. Sometimes I just feel like I'm being melodramatic and I am afraid that he will just confirm that I am. I want him to understand it because I think I want him to help me.
At times I find myself rambling to him for an hour about other topics hoping that I will get the courage to tell him how I feel and what I am struggling with.
My other struggle right now is I don't know why I am feeling so triggered. I have an extremely blessed life and when I think about it I feel guilty for wanting to hurt myself. I feel almost like a live a double life because I have such a great life but yet I have these urges to hurt myself as well.
I'm not sure what I am asking for. I think I just need a place where I can talk to people who understand. So I'm hoping that this is a good fit for me.
Thanks for listening.
