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Aw, I feel pretty guilty.
I've been too sad and drained to go to a full day of school very often, lately. Most days I duck out for an hour or so and come back, sometimes I go home in the afternoon. I just can't be bothered anymore.
The problem is though, I'm at a really competitive selective high school, and my grades are going to slip any minute now.
I got busted today for jigging yesterday. I had to go to the vice prinicipal's office. I was straight with him. I told him I didn't think it was a good thing to do, I told him that no, it's not peer pressure, I make my own decisions. Instead of being angry or giving me a detention, he says. 'Look here. I like you. Students are never this mature and honest with me. But the problem is, it seems as though you're bigger than this. You just don't seem to believe in yourself at all, and I think that comes from being pretty down, yeah?'
I couldn't believe it, really. He'd been speaking to me for like, ten minutes, and I hadn't had many encounters with him much all through high school. And suddenly he comes out with all this sadness and low self-esteem stuff. Which made me sort of emotional.
He told me not to do it again, because he wants me to do well and make the good life I should have. Which won't happen if I keep jigging every day. But just... seeing things ahead of me, going to each period of each day it's just... ugh. But Mr J is so great, I don't want to make him disappointed. Ugh. I hate school. Slogging through it. I need to get some motivation from SOMEWHERE.
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