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Triggering (SI) - stereotypes=triggering me =[
i absolutely despise stereotypes. like when someone makes an emo or cutting joke. and it's even worse when it's directly to me. someone made one recently, and it reminded me of a bad period of time in my life. the next section explains what i'm talking about. to warn everyone, this next section may be a huge rant and a load of complaining. i just need to get this next part off my chest.
for about a month straight this past year in my math class, my so called guy "friend" made emo/cutting jokes and unknowingly was slowly ruining my life. he enjoys pushing people's buttons, you could say, but he didn't really know how personally they affected me. all he knew is that everytime he made one, i reacted. it's hard to hold your tongue when someone acts like that, and i'm not good with confrontations. every time i snapped back, it just made him push my buttons more. it didn't help that his best friend at the time was my ex(who i was not over then), and my ex tended to chime in on it every so often. he knew better because he knew i used to SI, but he seemed to conveniently not remember that. so i relapsed, and that month and those following were probably the hardest months of my self harming life. and yet i couldn't cry. maybe if i had shed a single tear in that class, he would have shut up. but all i could do was yell for awhile, and sit in silence for the rest of class as he snickered. i came to simply dread math class.
so, now not only do "emo" jokes based on stereotypes and jokes about cutting anger me as they always have, but now they trigger me more than ever. and here i am now, feeling that. help? is it horrible to slip up a little, or can i bring myself to do it? i just need it now... it's been maybe 2 weeks, 2 hard weeks. is it absolutely terrible if i slip up on the way to recovery?
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