Triggering (SI/OD) - I HATE doctors! What do they know anyway? (NOTHING)

[Dakota]

Well i went to see my psych today AND GUESS WHAT?...............

I HATE him more than ever. I was admitted to s unit in january a day after my 20th birthday, actually like 30 minutes after my 20th birthday and yeah sucked.

Anyways......
Went to see him today for my six month checkup, i asked him how it was going finding me a councilor (sp?0 and he said oh i didn't know you were looking for one. *IDIOT* Considering i had asked him in january and it's now nearly the end of June, well duh. So he said he'd sort that, so i'm thinking yay, finally. Then he says will be about 6 months. I've already waited that long if it wasn't for his incompetince i wouldn't be here in the first place. :(

Then he goes on to ask me how i am. I should say when i was in the unit i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I explained how i have been feeling recently, {Upset, anxious, nervous, angry depressed, and very suicidal} When i explained that i can't tell him why i feel like this. I just do and it changes erraticly and without warning. He said:

I think your just going through a rough patch in your life emotionaly. Had i had a knife at that moment i would have killed him on the spot.

I mean first i get diagnoised with something, and i actually think i'm getting somewhere then he tells me that i'm just being too emotional basicly.

I'm so upset and pissed off and fucking fucking fucking hacked off that i want to scream and after i've finished writting this i'm going upstairs to get my tools as i can't take it right now i really can't. I mean whats the point.


I think i'm getting help then he backtracks, fuck me. Bastard, why should i bother if nobody else does.

Well anyway enough of my ranting, so fucked off right now i'm getting my stuff and going to release my anger even though i've been without cutting and pills for 4 months now i'm back to this thanks to him I'm really upset and just can't take it, can't cope with the hassel or pain i'm causing everyone.

Thanks. Dak xXx

[fitofdestiny]

Aw hon *hugs*. Don't let it get to you so. You just got a bad doctor and that sucks. I had a psychologist like that in college. I went to the counseling center and did an interview, and they were so concerned for me that they didn't want one of the students doing the counseling like they usually have. So they gave me a psychologist who, the first time I met with him, explained to me that he couldn't help me because he didn't believe I was suicidal. I nearly threw a fit and tore apart his office. I'm afraid there are a lot of bad doctors out there, but don't give up. Look around and you'll find a good one! Meanwhile, try to calm down hon. One stupid bastard isn't worth you hurting yourself.

[Dakota]

I wish i had of read that 2 minutes ago as thats now 4 months down the drain, cut my arm chest and shoulder, my shoulder is the worst, probably worst i've done. Thankyou so much for your support. I dam alot more relaxed now. Just wish i didn't have to revert to old ways to be like that (relaxed) Seems i'll always have to. Anyways, your support is really, really, really appreciated. Makes me feel alot better that theres someone else who has been through something similar and made it out the other side. I may look into finding counsiling for myself. Maybe that would be better and faster perhaps. Anyways, i think i may go to my doctors tomorrow and ask about counsiling. I will let you knowhow it goes. For now i'm going to bed so that i don't do anything else

Thanks again hun, Will pm you to let you know
Dak xXx

[Mrs Sam]

your doing really well despite what you think right now. i mean 4 months without cutting thats amazing and noone can take that away from you. there are sucky dr's out there and there are lovely dr's out there, i have had much experience with both so dont let one bad experience pull you down. you've come too far for that.

have you thought about looking into councilling yourself? like go back to your gp and get a new referal from there? they may be able to set you up with a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) in the mean time until you get something more permanent set up.

xxx

[prophecygirl]

Do not let a shitty doctor get you down. Believe me I am the biggest critic of some so called professionals. I am sick of counsellors who keep putting their foot in it when they say something, psychiatric nurses in the psych wards that treat you like you are intellectually inferior to them, doctors who say really mean things and criticise you and tell you you're a hopeless case because you're borderline and A&E staff that look at you like a piece of crap and keep you waiting longer than everyone else because 'you did it to yourself' and then refuse to numb you when they're stitching you because 'you obviously don't need it if you can hurt yourself that way in the first place'.
Believe me, many, many professionals have had me so livid that I have had to cut myself to get my sanity back. Kind of ironic the people who are supposed to help you make you worse. I think that's why I get so angry with them. You finally think you're getting help, and when they let you down and turn out to be incompetent you feel twice as bad because you expected something better.
Sorry meant to help you, not rant about myself. I just wanted to show you I can relate totally.
Anyway don't let docs get to you like that.
Don't get better because of them, get better despite them!!!!!!!

Take care and PM me anytime

[Dakota]

Thankyou all so much, i feel alot better today and alot more upbeat. Even though i have to start again with the cutting i did it for 4 months so i know i can do it again.

Thankyou all.
xXx

[prophecygirl]

Well done. 4 months is amazing. It's way longer than anything I've managed. I think you should be congratulated for that (not in a condescending way), but well done.
See, you're not doing it because of them, you're doing it despite them

[fitofdestiny]

4 months is really good hon and I know you can do it. You have the strength and the heart to quit. *hugs* Did you seek that counseling?

[x-dying-inside-x]

dont let him get you down. You are better than that.four months it and we all have slip ups so dont worry hunny.
take care
xxxxxxxx