ok... here goes... this is probably going to be a long post... but i've been thinking about this for a while... why am i not happy?... i have the "perfect life".. i drive a lexus, i get straight a's in collge (in the program of my choice), and i've slept with more different girls in one month that most guys do in a year (16)... sounds pretty perfect doesn't it?... so what am i cruising the streets day after day after day looking for a 20$ dollar whore that will give me pleasure... why do i drink a 26oz of vodka almost everynight, and why no matter what i do, do i feel something is missing in my life?
i don't want sympathy from anyone here because i know i don't deserve it... but i've noticed that everytime i see a "couple" together in a PDA (public display of affection) i feel a deep sadness... i'm 25 years old... and i've been in love once in my life... for six months out of my 25 years i felt alive... better than i ever have.... unfortunately i chose to follow my career instead of my heart and have since moved more than half way around the world from my one true love (also decided that i didn't want to keep contact with her because i couldn't bear the thought of her being with someone else...)... sad part is... every single night i look up at the sky at the stars and wish that she's happy and safe... wherever she is...
.... i don't know what's wrong with me... i have everything that "normal peopel" what in life... but for some reason... i can't find that someone special to be with.... and the sadest part is... it's not like i can't go to a party and hook up with anyone i want (not to sound like a egotistical bastard here...)... but but three/four drink in my hand and i could take a nun into coming home with me... but seriously .... not matter how many girls i've been with.. i still have the same empty feeling in my heart... why is it that once i "get" soeone i no longer want them anymore? why do i constantly chase someone or something i can never have... what is wrong with me?
i spend the majority of my nights cruising the streets looking for a 20 dollar hooker to service me... and then after i get home i chug back a 26'er of vodka and pass out in my bed... but i don't know what is wrong with me... i can take any girl i want home, but for some reason the next orning all i can think about is grabbing another drink and hookiing up with the next girl... but inside my heart all i want is a true girlfriend that i can be with....
so... i nkow this is a rant and i'm not even sure anyone is goingot respond to this. but i really want to know... am i a male nympho or an alcoholic or what? i've been feeling like this for as long as i can remember and so far the onlyo way i can deal with it is drinking...
Hey, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It is very true that money and possessions aren't everything in life. Even those who seem to have it all hurt and need and feel lonely just like everyone else.
I don't know quite how to respond to your post as it is nearly 3am and I am very tired and on my way to bed. However I did not want to leave without posting, reminding you that you're not alone and someone does care.
You can feel free to private message me at any time and I will get back in touch with you as soon as I can. I am here if you need to talk or just need someone to listen. If not, I'll post more on this tomorrow when my mind is fully able to comprehend what it is seeing.
Please take care of yourself,
Jayda
1-800-448-3000 Anyone can call, at any age, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call free of charge
from anywhere in the United States, the U.S. Territories and Canada. The people
on the other end are trained crisis counselors.
At the end of the day, sex and love are two very different things. You could hook up with as many girls as you like to try to replace what's missing, but it's not going to fill the emotional void. But having the contact can feel better than nothing, I realise this. But maybe it's time you stopped that. Instead of just bedding a girl because you're sexually frustrated, try talking to her. Get into her head, let her get into yours. You're 25, that's still very young, and there's plenty of opportunities to meet someone and fall in love. You sound like you know exactly what's missing, but not how to get it, maybe?
It also sounds like you're drinking that much per night to block it out. I think you know it's not going to help. It sounds like you are an alcoholic and should get help stopping. Because it's just a temporary, addictive fix, and drinking that amount every day will affect your liver and suchlike pretty badly.
Have you considered talking to a counsellor or other therapist? It might sound odd, but maybe you have esteem issues. Bringing girls home makes you feel attractive and confident, but it seems like you have no stability (except your job), and maybe talking to a professional could help.
I'm sorry if I sound blunt, or patronizing, but I am genuinely concerned. PM me anytime if you want to talk more x
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
rockaroni got it right. You should try and get some help out of your alcohol addiction, perhaps through AA or some other program. You should have the numbers listed in your phone book. The alcohol is inhibiting your judgement, increasing your negative feelings, and you'll find your problems are easier to deal with without the influence of alcohol.
Next you need to get yourself into some counseling. Having a good counselor to help you through recovery will help greatly, and they could help you work out some of your relationship issues as well. You deserve one single soul who will love you for who you are, not many who love your money.
1-800-448-3000 Anyone can call, at any age, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call free of charge
from anywhere in the United States, the U.S. Territories and Canada. The people
on the other end are trained crisis counselors.
