Triggering (SI) - i..i don't even know anymore. :(

cuppycake · 28-06-2008, 01:02 AM

i don't really know what to say... :(
its taken me about three months..but i think i'm finally getting over my ex. at least to the point where i'm looking at and liking another guy.. but he has a girlfriend and so nothing will come of this crush any time soon. not to mention the fact that i still really love my ex. but i know nothing is going to change between the two of us.. -sigh-

i'm not even sure why i just said that.. that's not even my problem right now..
my problem now is that i want to cut. like... really badly.. i was in a really good mood earlier. i was going to go to this all night skate thing [that started about an hour ago] but.. then i nobody i knew was going. so i decided screw it. plus my good mood was quickly fading. and so if i did find that someone i knew was there, i didn't want to bring them down.
so i told my one friend that i wasn't going to go after all. [i had asked him earlier if i should go, because i couldn't decide, and he told me to go, get out of the house] and when i told him we started fighting. because according to him i never do anything but get on the computer. i waste my life away at the computer. yeah, i'm on here a lot. but i do, do other things. and i go to the skating rink just about every other friday. but anyway, he was getting pissed off at me because i was making up excuses for why i don't get out of the house very much. and other ****. and he wouldn't just ****ing yell at me. i would have much rather him do that, than just basically ****ing ignore me. uhgg. and it just made my mood so much worse.

and i just... uhg.. if it wasn't for the fact that i have four months clean. i... i wouldn't even be fighting the urge to cut. i would just go do it.. but it took so long to get here... and i would be letting down my friends...
but... i..i know that if it wasn't for the fact that i have four months clean.. i wouldn't be sitting here right now.. :'(

Getting_There_Monkey · 28-06-2008, 02:23 AM

Come on you can do this, Distract ya self. Leave it for 15 mins then another 15 mins just anything until the urge passes. Talk to people, go into chat and talk. BTW 4 Months is great!!! I cant even go that long (: well done on that

*hugs* sorry about the way your friend was.

Stay safe xxx ps sorry this isnt good advice bit sleepy but dint like seeing your post without a reply (:

cuppycake · 28-06-2008, 02:38 AM

thanks. -hugs-
and... it doesn't matter whether it was good or bad advice..
because just that last sentence helped.
made me feel... that maybe there is someone who cares...
thanks.. and i'm playing solitaire now, it distracts pretty good, most of the time..

Einmyria · 28-06-2008, 07:41 PM

Heya, there will always be people who care about you!
four months is fantastic!! you have done so well! and you have proved to yourself that you can do this and you can be strong.
how are you doing?

stay strong,
Angelxx

cuppycake · 29-06-2008, 12:05 AM

i'm alright for now..
i was thinking today.. about the last cut i made, it was a 'Z'.. the scar, it faded fast.. i can't even find it anymore..in a way... i really wished it wouldn't have faded.. i had done it because i wanted to know that he was always with me..

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Fenrir_Sheo · 30-06-2008, 02:03 AM

hey im preety much in the same boat as you are, there is this girl that i love alot but she has a boyfriend. i know she likes me but she doesent want to break it off with her bf cause she doesen't want to hurt him. so it really kills me to know we cant be together, and alot of the time it takes alot of will power to resist the urge to cut so *hugs* i know how u feel