I wasnt really feeling that bad today....But I was writing on another site...(we have like a norwegian girls page with forum, but its not allowed to talk about SI or ED there) and I just told people about my situation with the depression and stuff, and that im kinda upset that I dont get any help. After writing it, I just felt awful really. And now I feel like cutting.
I guess it's because I realized how hopeless I am. I may survive the summer, but ill never survive the winter. Why cant anyone help me? I've had 2 psychs...But the last one gave me medication some weeks ago, and told me I was done coming there. It didnt really help talking to her either, cause when I was really low at home, she would never be available anyway.
I feel like I really need help before I do something stupid. I've taken small OD's several times, and ive cut/burned/bruised etc. on and off for about 3 years. Im just sick of it. But then on the other hand...I feel like im a lost case, and I dont see the point in begging for help. Im just a brat.
You feel upset because you aren't getting the help that you so desperately need, it sounds like. What kind of help is available to you? It sounds like you need some emotional support, aside from meds. Are you still taking the meds? Do they bring you any relief, if so? Do you see a doctor? Could you speak to them about what you need?
You say you feel low at home. Is there anything about home that particularly stirs that up for you?
Noone is hopeless, noone. What worries you about the winter? You're not a lost case. You just need to find something and someone that would help you. I don't see you as a brat. I see you as someone who's articulate, sensitive, and who's struggling with some overwhelming feelings.
There are ways of soothing and comforting yourself when you feel low, and of holding onto hope, without needing to hurt yourself.
Ye, that's kinda what makes me upset right now. I dont really think there's much help available. We got like a youth psychiatry department here, and that's the place where I got both my psychs from. Our school nurse refered me to them. They do also have a clinic where you can stay for a longer period, but my psych never seemed to think my problems were "big" enough to go there, so she never talked about it really.
And, since I dont really get to go down there anymore, I just have the school nurse, but I dont really have the option to talk to her either, since im starting my summer vacation tomorrow.
I do fight a lot with my mum. But we havent had any arguments lately so...And also, my mum's been sick for the last 5-6 years...She's been in and out of several hospitals and clinics.
I have no idea what to do this winter, Im scared I might not get into the school ive applied for because of my grades. And also, my good friend, the only one who understands me is moving to east-timor.
Your mum having been ill is a lot of stress, and can add to feelings of insecurity - as well as all kinds of other feelings like anger, resentment and so forth.
Having a friend move away is also a change. You'll miss having her around. Though, thanks to the internet, hopefully you'll still be able to have some contact with her.
The school situation is also a cause of anxiety for you. When will you know whether you've been successful? Have you any back up plans lined up? What are you wanting to do?
It sounds like maybe the unknown quality of the future is making things feel kind of shaky for you, and so it feels uncertain that you'll survive. I know I've felt similar when there's been lots of changes in my life. But I make it through, even if I think I won't. You might be surprised to find that that's true of you, too. It feels impossible and unbearable, and frightening, yet it is also possible and exhilerating in a way to survive the internal adversity and fear.
What's available in terms of counselling services for young people out there? Here in the UK we have charities and voluntary organisations that offer emotional support to teenagers and young adults who're going through rough times in their life.
Ye, and i've also struggled with a chronical stomach disease myself for the last 5 years or so.
Ill probably get to know in july if i get into the school or not...If not, then i have to stay in the same school as this year, and I would hate that.
But then on the other hand, im scared of getting accepted into the new school, cause it's gonna be really hard and challenging. It's the IB if you've heard of it. International Baccaleureate.
I dont really know if there's any counselling services apart from the one i've already been to. I dont think so.
My first psych just ditched me kinda...when I went to her, she only told me lots of facts and stuff, I didnt feel like we had any chemistry at all really.
So I kinda slipped out of the system after I got put on medication last spring/summer. I went to the school nurse in the autumn/winter cause I felt like I wasnt able to take it anymore. She got really mad when she heard that they'de just put me on medication, and not talked to me anymore. So, she fixed it so I could get down there again, and I asked if she also could fix it so I could get another psych this time. And she did.
At first I thought my new psych was ok, better than the other at least. But it just got worse talking to her. She also made me show her my arms, and I got a total breakdown, and she was just sitting there, taking notes. Made me feel so humilliated. After that she fixed an appointment with a doctor and I got medication again. I told her that I didnt feel the councelling was working, but I didnt mean that I didnt need help. She also made me feel like my SI wasnt "bad" enough to get more help, I know its stupid, but I couldnt help feeling that way, since she put me on medication and decided i didnt have to come there anymore after seeing my arms
Im not sure what I dont like about the school. My class is absolutely GREAT, but i figured out that iv chosen wrong. I' have general studies and arts and arcitecture...We kinda choose for 3 years here. But I had the opportunity to switch to just general studies. My arts grades were not good, and I dont like the subjects, so I decided to just apply for general studies next year(we have to apply every year).
Which in short means, that if I continue at my old school, I have to get into a new class. But I already know most of the people(not like friends or anything) and I really feel like I need to get away from there, if that makes sense. Im just sick of the teachers and some of the students. Not to mention that the educational level sucks
And also, if I get accepted into the new school, i'll have to get my own place. Im not sure how I feel about that.
