Ive been 9 days SI-free today. Feels like forever, and im triggered all the time :/
The only thing helping is sleeping, which totally messes up my sleeping pattern. And today like many times before I felt too sick and tired to get up and go to school. I mean when does it get easier?
Ive been able to stop for longer periods before, but this time its harder than ever. I think it may be because of the fact that I HAVE to stop....
Which brings me to the next issue..
I know ive made like 100 threads about this, but im still worried. Im going to Turkey june 25th , and theres no way ill get away with wearing long sleeves. But I always hear people saying here that there's no problems with scars. Well, my scars aren't even scars yet, some of them just a week or some weeks old...Im wondering if it's "right" of me to uncover my arms? I mean, im not comfortable with it at all, but I kinda have to. But im afraid about the reactions, and im afraid that i'll trigger others or something...
well the fact that you want to stop is good. You could wear arm warmers or wear a very thin jacket, like really thin material would work well. Worst case: you have to wear a short sleeve shirt, i have just started wearing short sleeves for a couple months and sure it is embarrassing when people ask but then you kinda wanna stop more so you dont have to explain, ya know?
You've stopped for a reason, and you've stopped before. This time it's because you have to, but how about the times before? Was that your decision? If so, why was it that you decided to stop?
At the end of the day it's downt o you and you only. 9 days is a terrific achievement, and it gets easier in time. Yes it's going to be ahrd, and you're going to have urges, but it'll be worth it, you've just got to keep fighting them untill they are controllable and not bothering you so much anymore.
As for the holiday, ave you thought about arm warmers or bangles? To be honest no one is going to be interested in looking at your arms, yes there might be people who look but so what? They don't know you. Family or friends should know better. There is also things such as bio oil and vitamins you cant ake to try and lighten the scars. But try not to worry about it, go on your holiday and have a bloody good time because you're doing the hard part by stopping, so give yourself the reward you deserve and enjoy the holiday self harm free.
I dont know really, I guess I was just sick of it. I was SI-free for about 2 months or something 1,5 year ago. I started again in the winter, but I was able to stop in may or something, and I only did it a couple times during the summer, and started again later.
I use arm warmers now, but it's gettin a little too hot, and in turkey its like twice as hot. So im sure it'll look funny.
I am planning on buying big bracelets and stuff, but i got it all over my arm so...Im not sure if its any point. The fresh scars is both on my upper arm and my wrist.
Ive ordered bio-oil...but i never get it, its like 10 days since i should've got it :/
Im afraid that friends and family dont know better. Like my mum and dad would comment last year if they saw only some of my lighter scars.
I was thinking about buying one more bracelet for each week i manage to be si-free, like these small bracelets...kinda like an award, but i dont know, maybe its just a stupid thought.
Ive also lost about 9 lbs, and im pretty sure its because of this diet im on(my doctor told me to try it because of my stomach problems).
And the stupid thing is that I kinda like gettin on the scale and watchin the numbet gettin lower..I know its not healthy thinking like that, and I know im NOT overweight. I do kinda starv myself in periods, or more like, I dont feel like eating anything....But other times I get these kicks, and I eat like crazy, just to feel horrible afterwards.
I do not have any desire to get thinner, I just like the fact that im losing weight, makes no sense, I know.
When I eat im full, like after a small amount of food. Today I tried to eat like, a normal amount, and I felt sick afterwards.'
Maybe im just a person who dont need as much food as the others, i dont know. My BMI is like 20, so its totally normal...But I just figured out, that if I loose 11 lbs more, ill be classified as underweight. And my mind feels like its totally messed up, cause in some way i want to reach that number. But I still dont wanna get skinnier.
Maybe its just another form of SI? I dont know. I used to tell myself that it's because ofmy chronical stomach troubles ive had problems eating. And it is, to a certain degree. But...
No, this isn't off-topic because some kinds of eating problems/disorders can be like harming or hurting yourself - especially with starving. Have you ever had problems with an ED before? Can you pin-point the reasons behind why you feel like this when you see the numbers? *cuddles*
And your idea of a reward for each week free SI is an excellent one - a lot of people find rewarding themselves helps them a lot with motivation and feeling good about themselves. After all, each time you beat an urge, it's an acheivement, so reward yourself as such! Take care,
No, I dont really understand it:/ Ive always had a healthy body image, and never cared about my weight a lot. I dont like my body, but I dont hate it either. I guess it's just a combination of the fact that I want to punish myself, and that I feel that i dont "deserve" to eat. Sounds stupid I know. I dont have much energy these days, rarely enough to go to school. So my parents often say stuff to me if I decide to get up and it in the evening, like; you shouldnt be alowed any food the way ur acting, its the only thing you do, eating and sleeping...and they usually get kinda pissed.
And its probably to some part because of my chronical problems with my stomach, ive had em since I was at least 12, and ive tried about everything, and went to alot of doctors. Feels like the only thing working is not eating :(
I also had a long period as a child(almost a year) where I refused to eat anything. Well of course, I did eat, but I only ate like "liquid food"(sorry, my english is bad, and its early in the morning). But stuff like yoghurt, porridge,soups and so on. I dont remember excactly why, cause its a long time ago, but I remember the feeling of no one understanding me. I was scared.
thats how i started and now i cant ear more than a hamburger from McDonalds cuz my stomach is so small, i should weigh like 170-190 pounds for and 18 year old male but i only weigh currently 100 pounds. it gets worse quickly so im not telling you to start freaking out but keep things in check, ok? dont go overboard with it. It is like trying to climb a hill made of ice in slippers
Ye, I know :/ My cousin suffered from anorexia, she stayed in hospital for a long while, I remember visiting her, it was sad to see how awful she had it...I feel like I have control now, but I know my mind keeps playing trick on me, so ill try a little harder, and eat even though I dont feel like it.
It seems like you're having some problems with SI and eating. (I know, I'm SO astute.)
People who SI are actually really likely to come down with an eating disorder when they try to stop SI. This is not entirely surprising. SI and eating disorders are really different types of control, among other things. I'm gathering that you feel like you have no control. You're being forced to quit, to maybe show your arms, etc.
First off, you are in no way alone.
Second, it might be worth it to look into starting some sort of therapy to talk about these things. I'd really suggest it actually. Remembering your cousin in the hospital might actually be a good reinforcement of that idea.
I used to go to a psychiatrist regulary....But 2 weeks ago I got new medication, and my psychiatrist told me I was done there and stuff :S Like she had solved all my problems. And she said I didnt have to come down again, she could just call me to check up on me. She hasnt called once. And I hate phones...
I dont really know where to go to get help now :/ This is the second time Ive been seeing a psychiatrist for a longer period, and the second time they just dont seem to care, and give up on me after a while.
Or, they're more like thinking they've helped me. But they havent, at all. I told her that I didnt feel talking to her helped last month, maybe thats why im not "allowed" to come down there again. We do also have like a school nurse, and I could talk to her. But last time I did, she referred me to this psychiatrist...and they usually do that if they think the problem is serious enough.
Soo, I dont know really :/
I mean when does it get easier? 
