I completely understand this feeling, about different things for me, but I get the blankness, and everything blurring.
Like all you can say is 'I don't know'?
Like two enourmous heavy doors slam shut and you just can't get them open?
There's nothing solid to hold onto? If I'm not real; I'm blank, and void of meaning, then there's nothing to find?
For me, I think it's partially anxiety based, fear of judgement by both others and yourself - what will they/I see when they seem
me, coming to terms with your own problems, that sort of thing. It's lots of things. The real truth is always very hard to face, especially when others are around.
How about picturing yourself in a situation where you might have to talk to someone about sh, talk to them in your mind, maybe write it down, and when it all starts to blur/shut down, note down what point you were at, what you were talking/thinking about. How did you feel just before things started to blurr? What subject/epople/emotions/themes were you thinking about? Why were they too dangerous to think about?
I found when I'd do this, things would start to blur, -
I'd poke my nose in where my psyche didn't want it; it was put into over drive. Like a little kid running away 'Don't look at me, don't look at me!', maybe they'll spray pepper spray in your eyes so everything becomes blurry and you can;t follow, maybe they'll slam and lock doors in your face so you can't get through. - You try to dig any deeper, and you're shut out even further. But this doesn't mean to say you can't find a way in. It just takes practice, also starting VERY gently, in a very relaxed, comfortable setting, where you feel secure. reassure yourself there's nothing to worry about, no one's going to hurt you if you open up to yourself.
Try and get to a point where you can talk back to yourself...It's kind of hard to describe...
I think of it as a person walking down a path, at the end of the path is a door, and when they open that door (excuse the cheese) is the root of their problems, their fears. Now they might be scared of coming to terms with the problems, or getting better, there are many things. What you want to try and find out is what you're scared of - what's stopping you - and why it's stopping you.
I think of the blurring as stopping them going down the path. If they become dizzy and disoriented - everything blurs - or they loose any sense of what they're looking for or why they're looking for it - shutting down - they can;t stay on the path, and won't have to be hurt by, or face what's already hurting them.
You're hiding behind your I don't knows.
If your visions blurry, then there are no sharp edges to get cut by...you get what I mean?
Like in the butterfly effect, when the psychiatrist takes the main character back to when they put the bomb in the post box. The boy was so shut out, so sure he couldn't remember, truth was he didn;t want to remember, because the truth hurt.
A girl sees a murder, but her eye sight is so bad she can't tell sky from flesh, it's too blurry. If she let things come into focus, the real picture would hurt her alot more.
Maybe she really could make it out, but purposefully blurred her vision?
Sorry if this is a little inchoherent...These were the ways I found explained helped with what I had trouble with though... A gentle, logical while abstract and lateral approach.
You're only human after all, and the mind can do incredible things so as to protect itself no matter how great or small the intruder. You're 100% normal, trust me.
*Hugs* try not not let the feeling swamp you down, or worry about it. I find relaxing to be the best way to feel and be better.
Sorry my reply was so long...I swear I didn't mean to type that much.
Originally Posted by
Tomorrowwillcome
Total sense!!!!!!!!! I have even lied and use standard expected reasons because I just cannot explain it even to myself sometimes, most of the time.
I totaly relate to that...
