Triggering (SI) - Drowning:S

[suicidal-fairy]

Hi everyone, i feel really bad posting for support when i'm not on here very often. so sorry again.

just before christmas i seeked proffessional help from anyone for the very first time, i went to the doctors and was given anti depressants. i felt that these really helped and i wanted to have the counselling but there is a really long waiting list at my GP's surgery so i still haven't recieved that counselling and the local mental health team wouldn't take my refferral from the GP unless the tablets weren't helping much. but now i think ive made the wrong decision ive refused the counselling telling them to take me off the waiting list and when i went to the GP 2 weeks ago to get a repeat prescription i said i wanted to start coming off them, so i've gone from 20mg a day to just 10mg. (meaning i have 1 20mg tablet every other day) but in these past couple of weeks i feel like i have slipped down a massive slippery slope and that the majority of my recovery has disapeared and failed. I don't want to go back to the GP and ask him to give me more tablets so i don't have to stop them, also i dont want to tell my mom that my self harming has got worse again. She is the only one in my family who knows i asked her not to tell anyone else, so how do i explain to the others that i want to go back fully on my tablets when they don't know the reason i am on them in the first place although they do know that i am on them.

i feel like i have failed, i don't want my mom to get upset again about my cutting cuz i know it hurts her, also only having one tablet every 2 days feels so strange. by the time i get to the end of the 2nd day i feel really low and end up cutting to feel something!


Thank you for reading such a long post
xxxx

My Mum is also the only member of my family who knows, and being 15, I can't get away XD
I think what you need to do mate, is sit down with your Mom, and cry. Just try it, if your a guy... don't feel wimpy about it, guys can cry too :) And it helps so much that it'll suprise you. Then return to the site and tell us how you feel :)

*hugs* xx

[green.eyes]

put it this way hun
dont you think your mum would be more unhappy if she knew you were sacrificing your mental health to keep her from worrying? is it possible to go back up without the rest of your family knowing?
recovery can take a while hun, dont be in a rush to get off your meds while theyre helping
take care
*hugs*