Triggering (SI/Suicide) - My life might be in danger....do I tell someone?

[everylastbit]

A while ago (when my meds were working for me), my support worker asked me if I thought there was any danger to my life (basically whether or not I thought I was likely to kill myself). I think I sort of evaded the question when she asked and at the time I wasn't too worried about it cos I was coping ok with things.

I've just switched meds and these ones are really making me feel bad - I've been cutting several times a day (whereas before I could maybe go a month without it), I haven't eaten properly in over a week and I haven't slept properly for several days.

I was scheduled to see my support worker this morning and I'd kind of built myself up to tell her that I actually do think my life might be in danger at the moment cos I'm feeling so depressed and am being constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. Anyway, I went in this morning and I was feeling fairly confident about doing and it that it was a step in the right direction. She knows that my meds have changed and that I'm struggling with a bit of stuff at the moment and even more so because of exams.

The appointment was meant to be at 10.30. I went in and was told that she was running slightly late because some of the other members of staff were off sick. That was fine by me and I was happy to sit and wait a few minutes. I was ignored for almost an hour and then one of the secretaries came in and said I could see someone else who had 10 minutes free although we'd have to talk about things without my file and it was in my normal worker's room. I've been seeing her for several months and I didn't have the energy to go over things more with this new woman and obviously I didn't know her well enough to say that I'm feeling suicidal.

So I've ended up feeling worse than I did in the first place. Surely the people who are booked in to see her already should have priority over people who normally see other people??!!

I was feeling really crap so I tried to get a GP appointment as soon as I left after being turned away...but the GP can't see me til Thursday afternoon (it's now Monday afternoon).

I'm meant to be revising for exams but I can't sleep or eat or concentrate or anything. I'm harming myself at least hourly at the moment just to try to make myself feel a bit better. Nothing's working though.

I live in a student hall of residence and when I got back to my room and went for lunch, I had a panic attack from being around so many people.

I just can't do this.

I need help...I can't fail these exams. I just need someone to care...I want someone to understand.

They gave me another appointment to see my support worker on Friday but that's one hell of a long time away and I just can't cope with this until then. My next exam is a week tomorrow and I haven't even started studying.

I just need help.

Where can I turn to?


I'm sorry this is long.

[Minty]

Ring your doctor if you can and tell them that the meds your on arent working. If they are making you feel this bad it could be a side effect of the meds aswell. Try calling later on and see if you can make a telephone appointment with your support worker. If not are their any friends who know your problems. be around someone safe. If that fails call a helpline just keep as safe as you can .


Also contact your university disabled student support area and tell them of your problems as much as you can . They can help in exams when going to marking they will account for these circumstances that may take the stress off a little.

Sorry you are struggling.

[Eve of D.]

Hi. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It must be hard to be turned away when you have the courage to talk. Is there an emergency number or a hotline you can call? I don't know where u are but most places have suicide hotlines, maybe they can help? When can you see your regular support worker next? It sounds like you really need to find help. Is there anyone you trust that can at least be with you now? PM me if you want to talk, i'm here to listen. *hugs*

[GrimmFaerieTale]

**Hugs** I care. I was in a similar position in my last year at school in that I had exams and was so so stressed about them. Exam time is a horrible horrible time.
What about your uni Nightline? They'll be able to listen to you if you just want to talk, otherwise like Eve of D says, a suicide hotline or the Samaritans?
I'm so sorry you feel like this, I know how hard it is when you're in halls. Try and talk to someone hunni, anyone, harming yourself hourly really isn't good. If you can, don't stay in your room on your own, go sit in the library or a cafe, anywhere where there's people around even if you don't yet feel able to talk to anyone.
Well done for getting up the courage to talk about this, don't let this setback take that courage away.
xxx

[everylastbit]

THanks for the replies so far. My support worker is one of the people in the university student support services so I'm already accessing that. I'm just really not happy about being told they were too busy to see me when I've had the appointment booked for over a week.

I managed to get a GP appointment for wednesday afternoon now...

I honestly think I'm going to become a serious danger to myself if this goes on much longer. I realise that I'm causing myself a lot of damage now and that I'm probably already a danger to myself but I really can't think of what to do.

I'm a bit scared of talking to my GP too and telling them the truth because I'm worried about the implications that might have...

I'm meant to be going travelling in 3 weeks...I can't let them mess with my meds or anything too much or that'll be £3000 down the drain.

[tamobhuuta]

for the GPs at our local surgery they can only book a certain number of appointments in advance, but if you phone in the morning (8.30am~ish) you can often get one for that day. i don't know if that's the case for yours but maybe you could phone tomorrow and ask for an emergency appointment (then if you do get one, you can cancel the wednesday one so you don't lose that one if they can't see you tomorrow).

[Littlelostlamb]

Hi there. Do you have access to the local Crisis Team at all? They will have access to all your records and can help you. If not, I'd advise you to call your CPN tomorrow and tell them you need urgent help. xxx

[everylastbit]

I don't actually have a CPN so that's a bit tricky...I'm not feeling too shiny at the moment...feeling a tiny bit calmer with regards to the harming, haven't done it for a couple of hours so I guess that's a start.

I dunno if I can maybe get an emergency appointment tomorrow morning...

I was considering taking myself to the local hospital earlier cos I was really scaring myself but I can't deal with all the implications of that and them making me see psychs and stuff.

[Starz*]

I can understand your situation. i find myself in it sometimes too where, the people who can help you just cant seem to get to at the right time and you end up wondering 'where the hell do i turn to now?'
Its really scary to feel so alone. it frustrates me.
Ive found that the feeling pass eventually. but i worry that one day, they may not. at least not before i actually do something.

i know you dont want to have to go to A&E and deal with the hassel of it but really perhaps you should. I posted in the 'mental health discussion' forum about A&E the other night because i felt unsafe. my therapist has said i should go if i feel that way but i didnt have the courage. The replies i had were reassuring and next time i think i will go.
If it keeps you safe, its worth it.

[All I'm Living For]

if you really feel like your a danger to yourself get to a hospital. at least if you're there you hopefully wont be able to hurt yourself (i think they might realise) and even though it wouldnt be your normal doc or psyc at least you would get seen.
*hugs* please take care. i know what its like to have meds that make you feel suicidal and i know its not fun. try to get your meds changed if possible. *cuddles*
thinking of you.

soph.

[everylastbit]

Well I've still go no revision done...I'm feel like I'm going to fail these exams anyway so I've just lost the will to do anything.

I woke up this morning with a load of cuts on my wrist which I can't remember making.

This is getting too much.....

[All I'm Living For]

*hugs* i think you should get some help. you sound like you're going through a lot and it would make it so much easier to get through if you werent going through it alone.
with your exams, talk to your teachers. tell them you're not doing too well and ask if you can do them another time. getting a medical certificate probably wouldnt hurt either.
i really think you shoudl get some help to get trhough this though *cuddles*

soph.

[everylastbit]

so i went to see the doctor....she didin't understand n tried to send me away without changing anything. so i took a deep breath n told her that i really didn't think i was safe for me to go on like this - i said i thought i was a danger to myself etc etc.

i was hoping she'd just listen to me for once and up the meds like my psych said to do if the smaller dose didn't work. instead she comes out with...

"well we seriously need to consider inpatient admission"

i do not need to be in a psychiatric ward. i just need someone to listen to me.

she asked me if i was thinking about suicide - i said i had the thoughts but no definite plan.

she then said that if i tell her much more, she'll have no option but to order me to be sectioned.

that's just one more person i'll have to lie to about how i'm feeling then

[All I'm Living For]

maybe you should try a different doctor. if she's not listening to you then it might be best.. *cuddles*

soph.