i miss house. i don't get to watch tv at uni :( concentrate on the wonderfulness of hugh laurie and block out nasty storms.
how old is your brother? what does he do?
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
thanks Chloe.
really sorry you dont get to watch House anymore.
my brother just turned 19 and is in college. ive spoken to my sis today. i think shes going to give him another chance. i dont know . im trying not to worry too much about it.
i had a nasty flashback sometime in the middle of the night last night. im really depressed. physical pain causes depression for me. and to know why im having the pain just makes it all the more worse.
Kelly and i watched Walk The Line today. id never seen it. it was really good.
i dont know what to say...im just really depressed.
loves.
xxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
*screams*
why cant i feel better?????
i try so ****ing hard!!!!!
ive been thinking of a part time job but i CANT with the flashbacks. i can barely function day to day at home!!!!
im so tired and ive slept ALOT the last couple of days just trying to ward off the flashbacks. but they attack me when awake.
im really trying here but its exhausting. i made up my mind a while back that i would NEVER try suicide again...and i mean it!!!!! so that is no longer an option. living with it is the only choice i have and that is damn scary.
i see my therapist every week. im only getting worse.....or im stuck at a stand still. im just a scared little girl.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
Sometimes we get stuck in therapy. Or it takes a long time to resolve something from the past because we're so busy coping with the present.
About working, what has worked out for me might be something you can do too, working from home. Is there any kind of data entry or envelope stuffing you might do?
I'm a lost and scared little girl too. I just tend to hide it behind being a workaholic and work horse.
*shares a cuddle with you*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
as susan said, is there something you can do from home? perhaps editing?
lots of us are scared. i'm so pleased that you have made the decision to live. it's not an easy thing to do.
can you try and change the direction and emphasis your therapist is using? suggest to them that something different might help more?
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
ive thought of the working at home thing. ive even checked in to a couple places.
but we live in a tiny town and employment is scarce. meh...i dont know.
Kelly thinks i need a break from RYL because she says i always come away from it in a worse mood. shes right in a way. i get upset reading alot of the posts and then when i post it makes me think about my own crap.
maybe i should take a little break...but i feel guilty if i dont check in.
loves.
xxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
he keeps attacking me.
Kelly and i were just sitting here watching a movie (i actually got out of bed today) and a flashback attacked me. and when i say attacked.....i really do mean attacked.
my body cant take much more. i feel brittle and so so weak. my whole body feels like a giant bruise. its hard to walk. it hurts to sit. lying down is the most comfortable...but i cant stay in bed forever!!!!
i feel so small and weak. so helpless. so defenseless. just like back then. im reliving my whole childhood....and it hurts bad.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
rachel, i agree with what romp said in your other thread. he can't hurt you anymore, and maybe this is just part of the healing process. you are NOT weak and NOT defenceless anymore. your life has changed. you are free from him and your childhood and you now have your own family and own child to LOVE and look after.
take a break if you think it will help you. try to find more in life to live for. i am starting to sound slightly hypocritical, but still. you have your family, a town you know, people who love, around you. make the most of it, and maybe with patience and therapy and support this will stop affecting you so badly.
*hugs you and gives you a chocolate muffin*
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
^ agrees
i have never had a flashback and i cant really know what you are going through, but i do know that he cant hurt you anymore
and what is hurting you right now are the memories and the flashbacks, and those are real but those are what are hurting you right now and not him..... okay this is coming out jumbled but i think my point was..... oh crap i lost it....... *hugs* and i care and i hope you feel better and just um reread Chloe's post or what Romp said or something i think i am losing my mind
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
YOU CANT ACTUALLY RELIVE YOUR CHILDHOOD
i think that is what i wanted to say
it FEELS like you are reliving it and it may feel like it is happening over and over and that he can hurt you forever and that you can always be hurt by those things but you CANT
IT ISNT TRUE
just tell yourself that
IT'S OVER and he doesnt have the power to do that anymore and you are SAFE you are so safe right now Rach honey
it isn't actually happening again
it is a type of memory thing and i know it is vivid and awful and i can't imagine what it is like but i can say that you are safe and it isn't actually happening and maybe if you tell yourself that it will feel better and lose some of its power? xxxooo
Uh dumb and nosy question, are the memories/flashbacks new memories, or the old ones time and time again? I've been having the intrusive memories, one sense instead of all of them but once they've come the power is taken out of them.
*brings you some Dr.Pepper Jelly Bellys* (I just checked. They really do have that flavor.)
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
you're NOT useless !!!! for God's sake, please quit thinking so horribly about yourself. i love you sooo much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and miss you...
I love my Buttercup,
Always and Forever ! My Wife = My Best Friend !
*Energy and persistence conquer all things* -Benjamin Franklin
*Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out* -Robert Collier
Yes, depression sucks, like skunks at a surprise party. I'm usually a very active person with work and aa meetings and travel. Last summer I spent time helplessly curled up in bed or in the easy chair because of it. I did go to AA meetings though. I get too much out of them to not go.
*gives you a cherishing hug*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
sending real sympthy and warm hugs. Really know how awful depression is. Really hope that you get some rest and some peace. be kind to yourself because you deserve a lot. Its this illness, its not you. You ahve done nothing wrong at all. You are trying so hard and no one can ask more, you can only go at your pace. Time will heal and you will rise up again. You're very special.
much love
hammy xxx
i forgot to mention something.
my son's concert is tonight and im here instead of THERE!!!!
i didnt have the money to go.
i spoke to him on sunday and he said it was ok. but i heard his voice cracking. he tries so hard to be strong for me. but mommies know when their baby's are sad.
its killing me. i didnt want to get out of bed today. but i see how much its upsetting Kelly....so i got up and made myself presentable.
i really just wanted to sleep through it all. i know both my aunt and uncle will be there. but mommies are supposed to be there for these things!!!!
i dont know how i will get through tonight. i wont harm. i wont drink. but im sure i'll be taking "happy pills". im really disgusted with myself right now.
i wish i could cry it out. but i had a good cry a few days ago....and who knows when i'll get another one.....
i miss Keith so much. and i have no clue as to when i will see him again. i hope they come for his b-day(july) but i dont know if they will.
ok...ive rambled enough. i feel poo.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I'm sure Keith understands hun. It is normal for the both of you to be disappointed but if he is anything like his mum then he will get through it and do amazingly at his concert *hugs you close*
Well done on getting out of bed today...you should be proud of yourself for fighting the crap feelings. I heard this quote in a film a few weeks ago and I really like it, don't know why but feel it sort of applies to you too 'Even the smallest light shines in the dark'. I guess no matter how crap things get there can always be some hope if we look hard enough for it.
You are NOT useless sweetie, no way.
Stay strong and Keep fighting
Emma xx
there is nothing to be disgusted about by making decisions to ensure the safety of your child and by doing so accepting the burden of pain which comes with not seeing him.
I am glad you managed to have a cry the other day. it's good for releasing sadness and tension.
can you make Keith a Well Done card with pictures and photos and stuff on and send it to him?
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
