Sorry. But it's all ****ed up.

[silentforyou]

Sorry for posting here :/ I wanted someone to talk to, so I hope it's okay to post here. You're all just such caring and lovely people. I feel guilty posting here because I'm not half as strong as you guys and I'm not half as lovely, and I don't deserve what you dudes deserve. You're all so amazing.

So basically I think my mum found my 'kit'. If I don't take it to school I feel really unsafe, even though I havent used it at school for a yearish. Meh. She hasn't asked about it yet, but thats the thing - for once she is silent. She's usually always on at me for something. So I guess I'm scared.

Just like I'm scared about everything. I didnt stand up for my friend who got slapped, I didn't stand up for my Mum from a bastard. I dont stand up for myself - I'm just a submissive little waste of space.

I'm seeing a counsellor on Wednesday. But my friend (who also sh bless her) said that it was great as long as it was me who wanted it and not anyone else telling me too. She was right. The more I thought about it, I just really want to make my Mum happy.

And I have no idea why, because this is the Mum who told me to kill myself.

Sorry for ranting and going on. Really am :/

[effervescence]

don't be sorry for posting, it's what RYL is here for :)

i'm glad you are getting some support through a counsellor. try to be honest with him/her and tell them about your SI and feelings so that they can help you feel better about yourself and start regaining some sense of control over your life. it's also great that you have an understanding friend.

sometimes it is hard for us to stand up for ourselves. this gets easier as you get older and gain more self confidence.

keep posting whenever you need to and don't be afraid to talk about feelings if you need to. take care x

[ohayla11289]

I'm sure your stronger than you give yourself credit for. I mean going to see a counselor takes a great deal of strength in itself. Do you know for sure that your mum found your kit? Maybe she is trying not to upset you by bringing it up.

It is very good that you are going to see a counselor though, and you are not a waste of space, you have friends and family who care about you, everyone does.

I'm not sure if any of that helped, but if you want to talk more feel free to pm me.

good luck on wednesday!

[xbeckyx]

*hugs*
Good luck on wednesday. I only started to go to see a counsellor to make my parents happy and now I'm going for, not for anyone else. If you give it time you might find it could help you :)
PM me if you want anytime.
xxx

[l'il esky]

oh chick-pea dont ever be sorry for posting. we're here to support you :)
your not useless!! and well done for seeing a counsellor thats hard decision to take, but hopefully you'll find it helpful. take care xx