This might sound really really silly but I have just figured out (on my own)
a really bad SI method.
Obv I'm not going to put it here but for a long time I've been trying to figure out how to do bigger cuts (e.g the ones that split open and need stitches)
Yes, I know this is stupid as hell, but I'm addicted to doing really bad cuts. And I've just realised how it's done.
I've been in the mental hospital for two months unable to cut, and now I'm out I've got free reign. And I'm scared. That I'll go too far really now that I've figured out how to do bad ones.
Plus I've got like, two months worth of bad stuff thats ready to blow at any minute.
I'm just scared that I'm going to do some bad bad SI. I'm scared I'm going to end up badly hurting myself, especially since I haven't done it in so long and I've got total freedom to do it whenever now
Damm. Stupid post, sorry.
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
It's not a stupid post at all!!
When you need help, it's good to reach out and get that help!!
Is there anyone that you could be with? They don't necesarilly need to know about your SI. Since you've been in the hospital, you could ask someone you haven't seen in a while if they want to hang out. Your friends will be there for you if you let them.
Maybe you could put a taboo on the new way to SI. Say that you are NOT allowed to do it no matter what. It might work?
If you ever need to talk, PM me anytime<3
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
I'm doing ok, trying to control myself.
I tried to do some bad ones to other day but it hurt so bad I had to stop
So that's good, I don't normally feel the pain but I'm thinking that pain is a good thing if It's making me stop doing really bad ones!
I'm living in supported accomidation now, so theres a CPN on hand if I do something really bad, which is good to know
But I don't want to freak the staff in this place out, since I've only been here a few days....
Also, I'm not going to tell anybody who asks how to do deep ones
I don't mean to be like, a total nark or anything
I just don't think it would be like, morally right.
Sorry :-/
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
I'm glad you've got someone close by to call on. I wouldn't worry about freaking the staff out, they know you're just out of hospital, vulnerable and that you're dealing with self harm urges. That's what they're there for, to help you, and the other residents, through things like that.
