heres a question about quitting..

[Hannah Montana]

Something happened yesterday which made me feel low, stupidly low but I managed to resist the urges because i'm trying to quit (Month and a half free). Today I woke up and the urges haven't gone. I feel so bad. I don't even feel very proud of not self harming. I just don't really care..
Its like I forget that I suffer from depression and the only coping mechanism i had has been taken away from me
So what i'm asking is, has anyone else felt this way before? I just need some advice.

[completely_gone]

Hi There, thanks for writing.

Congratulations on being one month and a half free! That really is a great accomplishment, and with time you will see how wonderful of an achievement it is.

Yes, I think anyone who goes through the phases of stopping self harming has the feelings that you expressed above. Depression is a transient thing, it can be really bad sometimes and then become manageable and something that we can cope with - that is generally when we feel that we can cope with things without self harm.

I think it is important that you recognise that some days, weeks and even months are going to be harder to handle than others, different situations and circumstances will trigger us and challenge us to ask whether stopping was really the 'best' or 'right' choice. But in the long run it is...it just may take some space and time for that to be felt within you.

I think it is important that you find other positive coping mechanisms that you can use when you are triggered and feeling like you want to hurt yourself. Distractions, talking to others, not isolating yourself, writing etc are all healthy ways to get through urges. What do you find helpful?

I am wondering if you have someone to speak with about what is going on for you? A counsellor, teacher, therapist anyone that could assist you in the cognitive and theraputic aspects of what you are going through right now. If you aren't perhaps this is something that you could consider for the future. If this is soemthing that you want to do and need some help in starting this let us know...many people have experiences with these people. If you are speaking with someone right now, i urge you to be very honest with them about how you are coping without self harming; acknowledging that sometimes you really just want to hurt yourself is being aware of what is going on for you, and not hiding and being honest and upfront with ourselves is quite important.

Using the various aspects of RYL is also something that I would recommend as it provides peer support from individuals who know what it's like to feel conflicted between stopping and not, and also have had personal experiences that you can relate too.

I hope this somewhat answers your question, if anything at least you know that someone is reading and listening to your words. Please keep writing, and good luck with the process, recovering is a definite journey but not an impossible one.

be well,
ashleigh

[Animad]

Try and talk to someone about what is making you feel like you want to cut. It could be one of your friends, a family member, a counsellor or even just someone on here (one of the supporters or just a member; you can always PM me). It might help as they can give you advise as well as it might help for you to be able to get stuff sorted in your mind easier. You could also just go and see a mate and not even talk about SH. It'll help to lighten your moods and distract you from your problems/ SH so hopefully you'll get over your urges.

As well as that you could listen to some calming music and see if that helps to relax you or do something you like. Keeping a diary may also be good as you can just write down all of your feelings and get them out of your system without anyone else knowing, though, if you're anything like me you might find that triggering so be careful. Keeping a diary may also be useful as it might help you to identify your triggers and so you might learn what you can do to stop yourself becoming triggered next time. Also, finding something that can really distract you may be good as you can put your whole mind into it and then you won't be focussing on the SH. It could be something like drawing a picture or going for a walk or something that is personal to you and that others will think is a bit weird (my bizarre way is to sit in my room with loud music on practicing stitching up! It reduces the chance of me SHing and it helps me to keep on top of the skills I need for my course so it's a pretty positive thing).

Drawing on yourself in red (non-permanent!) marker may also help along with things like squeezing ice cubes and 'pinging' elastic bands on your wrist.

Oh yeah, Congratulations on the Month and a half, that is really good, you should be proud of it. You're obviously doing something right to get that far.

Hope that helps,
Kim