Triggering (SI/OD) - Constant....

Alone and Scared · 18-04-2008, 07:13 PM

Triggers?

I'm trying so hard not to give in and to fight the urges.... but everything seems to trigger me?

I keep seeing 'sharp' objects, and I immediately think about what I could do with it.
All of the 'tools' are in a draw, away from everything else - it's sort of all my private stuff in one draw that can't be reached easily - but last night I found that I had managed to drop one of my blades - NO IDEA how, because I am always so careful, it was wrapped up and everything, but I just stared at it, and took it out of the fabric it was in, and I just stared and stared..... wishing that I would do it, but at the same time fighting so hard not too. I put it on my skin and did the action - but I didn't like press, if you know what I mean? So, it didn't mark, it didn't cut and it didn't scratch. I was pleased that I hadn't done it, but I felt like such a failure at the same time?

I see things that are sharp, or something like that.... and it's there, the image, the feeling that I NEEEEED to do it. I'm fighting it with everything in me, even every day objects are triggering me really badly, and other than laying in bed all day - I don't know what else I can do?

It's wherever, whatever I look at..... everything and anything. Some worse than others, but it's just things that should have no effect, and as soon as I see them, I can't stop thinking about it -

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggggger.

I've managed 5 days... well, 4 and a half..... Not that great, but it's the longest I have gone in so long, but I don't know how long it'l last?
What can I do?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ifonly · 19-04-2008, 03:17 AM

*hugs*
I feel the same way when I see something sharp.
Like im obligated to test how well it would work =/
Im proud of you that you didnt press down :]

Alone and Scared · 19-04-2008, 08:32 AM

I'm glad to see that someone feels the same way! Thank you!! :)

The thing is, the things that I use are sort of normal everyday objects, and so it's hard to escape from them.
I'm trying so, so hard not to give in, as I don't want to.... although at the same time I do, but I don't. If you know what I mean? I don't know whether that makes any sense at all?

I just need to stop with the seeing and thinking, I can't fight every single moment of every single day, it's just impossible.

I sat and watched a programme last Sunday, and I was triggered, I hear someone speaking and they will say something like 'Cut it out' and I am triggered..... how do I get through it without resorting to the way I deal with things? There is only so much I can fight, and other than laying in bed where I will never be triggered.... I don't know what I can do? xxxxx