Triggering (SI) - Bad day

zivalover16 · 18-04-2008, 08:01 PM

I had a really bad day today... It kinda started yesterday after noon when i wen to my therapist and she made me feel really bad about a slip up and kept saying stuff like you were doing so well and now you messed up, if you do it again I'll have to tell your mom, you should feel sorry you did it it was a good thing you slipped because it'll make you realize how much you don't need it anymore but thats not true because all its done is making me realize how much i miss it. Then this morning my dad wouldn't shut up when i was waking up. then in school i lost my head phones that were 30 bucks, am pretty sure i failed my math test and got a really bad headache... My friend talked to me and tried to help me but I really want to cut right now

.I want to feel the blade on my skin...Ugh I hate this... I hate me... I feel like I'm a big failure. Sry this is a big rant.....

silentforyou · 18-04-2008, 08:41 PM

Don't apologise for it turning into a 'rant'. You let it all out and don't worry about it.
It doesn't sound like your therapist is helping much. I know she's a professional so I respect she may know how to deal with these things more than we do, but it sounds like she's just making you feel completely guilty and upset about the whole thing.
It's not your fault you slipped up. It's not easy to shake this stuff off. If you tried as much as possible to stop or you tried to cut less etc, then it's great you're trying. all anyone can really ask is that you try. you keep trying.
if you're trying you're not a failure.
you're not a failure because you're trying to do your best through all of this. that means great strength and courage and you should be proud of that.
I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your therapist and your dad. headphones can be replaced so don't worry about them, and who knows maybe they'll turn up anywho (: don't worry about your maths test either because if you sat there and tried then thats all anyone can ask. its good to hear you have a friend who wants to help and are there for you (:
But nothing lasts forever, and maybe todays bad day will be different tomorow?
I hope I didn't say the wrong thing anytime.
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
Loves X

Cazki · 18-04-2008, 10:41 PM

Hiya there *Cuddles you* Im really sorry about what your counsellor said thats wrong of her to say that. You did your best to stop and thats all you can do you cant do anymore than that. I think you did extremly well. Please dont be so hard on yourself and put yourself down, your not a failure at all. Beatin gyourself up will only make things harder for you and can add to your problems. Slipping up is part of recovery and we all have slip ups but it doesnt mean that you have failed and that you should give up on recovery.

I do understand that this is hard for you right now but please be gentle with yourself. Please dont give up, you can get through this. The most important thing here is that you dont have to go through this alone because we are all here for you and will do our best to support you. Please try to keep yourself distracted as much as you can.

There are lots of different distractions that you can try, such as posting on the fun and distractions forum, listening to music, going out for a walk, watching movie, if you feel that it would help you maybe you could try writing down your thoughts and feelings, or you could do jobs to keep yourself busy. This link also has many other different distractions that you could try http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1403 i hope that this link is of some help to you. Please take it easy and look after yourself.

Best wishes Ian xxxxxx