I've been free from my eating disorder for over a year. The last eight months, I've been pretty sick with stomach problems that make it extremely hard to eat without feeling nauseous. I'm starting to associate food with pain again, this time for different reasons. It's hard not to fall right back into bad behaviors. I've lost ten pounds from being ill, and in my head, hey why not more? The weird thing is, I don't want to look the way I did when I was active in my eating disorder. It's all about the number on the scale. How am I supposed to weigh 85 pounds and still look healthy? Obviously, it's impossible but it's a nice dream.
Any thoughts or suggestions for turning around my thinking?
I wish I could give you some intuitive wisdom, or some amazing answer.
I guess this is about trying to associate food with good?
Have your stomach problems got any better? Other than the typical "have you seen a dr about it" things (which I think is not what you are looking for) the only thing I would recommend is ensuring that the food you do eat, is that which you enjoy.
Spend time with a friend and have a good chat while you eat.
Don't try and eat a lot in one go. Rather, eat small amounts of food you enjoy.
I don't know if any of that will be of any use to you.
I have seen 5 different doctors for various testing. I've had all kinds of blood work done and they haven't found anything yet. I'm working on my sixth specialist for more testing.
I'm lactose intolerant. I can't tolerate pork or beef (things I love). I eat mostly organic foods. I can't tolerate fast food or anything with high amounts of sugar, fat, or grease.
I basically live on rice, chicken or turkey lunchmeat sandwiches, broccoli, spinach, applesauce, pears, and granola bars. This diet is getting extremely old, and still hasn't solved my problems.
Whenever I eat anything that isn't on my "safe" list, I get extremely nauseous which usually results in either constipation or the opposite, with no inbetween. I've also had headaches and bouts of dizziness.
I hate having someone watch me eat. I'm only comfortable around close family. I'm just very self-conscious about it. I'm having such a hard time not going back to familiar ways.
I don't have a dietician because insurance doesn't cover it. I've done a lot of research on food that is easy to digest, etc, but nothing has cured the problem. I've seen a lot of doctors, but doctors don't really know anything about nutrition. I'm just so frustrated. I'm back down to 98 pounds from 108. While the number (in my head) is good, I don't look good anymore.
