Graphic / Triggering - Please someone help

AngelEyezHoney · 06-04-2008, 01:51 AM

ok...I have been on here before but not for a while. As a child I was sexually abused by 3 men, one of them my father. I was dealing with that and have been on antidepressants since I was 17 and I also have insomnia.
3 wks ago I was raped by a so called friend and it has bought everything up. I was sectioned as I could not stop self harming but they released me on Monday. I was and am not ready to be out here again. I can no longer distinguish the flashbacks from reality and cannot work out whether the flashbacks are from my childhood or the rape. I have been thinking about it for such a long time and the only way I can see a way out of feeling like this is to kill myself. I told them at the hospital and my mum and she is terrified about finding me dead but the hospital don't seem to care. I can't deal with the sleepness nights, the nightmares and flashbacks and cutting just doesn't seem to do it anymore. I am cutting deeper and deeper and it doesn't bring any relief anymore yet I can't stop thinking about the next opportunity to do it. Somebody please help, I feel as if I'm losing my grip on reality. Don't know how much more I can stand

TruConfessions · 06-04-2008, 02:22 AM

Hey Sweetie,

Its obviously you are going through a rough time right now. Insomnia and nightmares are something I can relate to; however, I don't have any solutions for them.

Have you seen someone to talk about all the abuse you had to endure growing up? And your recent attack? How is that going? Is it helping. Obviously your meds aren't helping have you talked to your doctor about trying other medications.

Could you hang out with your mom as much as possible and so she can see how you are coping? Or even going back to the hospital? I hope you doing okay sweetie take care of yourself.

idontwantnomorescars · 06-04-2008, 03:41 AM

hey hun, you have been through some terrible things but things can better you just need to ask for help. you cant change what has happened but you can look foward and into your future, think of how you want it to be and strive for that. i think you need to possibly have your medication changed so go talk tour gp about that.

you need to surround yourself by safe and supportive people who will help you through this if you have no one i suggest going to the hospital and explaining things exactly as you have done here and see if they can keep you in and keep an eye on you till you feel safe again.

take care hunny xoxo

AngelEyezHoney · 06-04-2008, 08:06 PM

I have been on sooo many antidepressants and am currently on 60mg of Prozac, 30mg of Temazepam and 1mg of Lorazepam. They said they don't know what else to give me anymore. They won't put me back into hospital as they said that they don't want the defense to make out I'm crazy if it goes to court re the rape. That may be fair enough but I need the help now. I keep self harming and try to stop it but I NEED to do it. It like a compulsion now. I try to avert my mind but I can't. I HAVE to cut. My sanity depends on it now. I'm starting to enjoy it too much.
I am seeing the Mental Health Team tomorrow but other than this I have never been to counseling. I have fought for so long to get help but been told that I am an attention seeker or I have been offered stress management! If it wasn't for my mum and my little sister I wouldn't be here but to be honest I don't think it is enough anymore to stop me. No one seems to believe that I am as desperate as I feel. Don't know what to do