I look through these scars and I see nothing but pain that I don't understand and am not ready to understand. I see things that I have experienced, but don't remember, I see things that I remember but don't want to feel. I see thing that I want to feel but can't.
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i hate mine. They stop me having sex (lol) as theyre all over my legs and stomache and its hard to get "intermite"(sp) with someone when your just being self concious, because theyre quite bad, and theyre not faded in the slightest.I cant imagine it being a turn on either, they will probably be turned off and think ughhhhhh
Have sex in the dark *nods* no one I've been "intimate" with has ever said anything about them. Even though recently I've kept my arm warmers on lol. If they're close enough to you to be having sex then they should love and accept you for who you are.
Personally I'm not ashamed of my scars. I'll happily walk past strangers with my sleeves rolled up. I'm only scared when there are fresh cuts or if I'm at college or with family because they'd judge and I don't want to hurt them. I don't mind some friends seeing if they SI too. I hate my legs though, I have lots of scars from trichotillomania :(
You're a star the way you are
You know you're not fooling anyone, no
You got the eyes of an angel
Don't try to change, yeah
Everybody's got their scars
Nevermind how ugly they are
No matter what they tell you
You're beautiful the way you are
"You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh"
i'm numb to my scars, they're there just like any other part of me. i dont feel an emotion towards them, duno why. they make things awkard/dificult sometimes but i just blank it out. im numb
And sail away these faces we hide behind
Cutting through the airwaves
Open up our minds
Show ourselves to the world tonight
Cause we are.. No longer in disguise ♫
I sometimes don't mind them and quite like them but then other times I look at them and feel so disgusted with myself for letting it get so bad. I can't have other people see though, I think I need to fully accept them myself before I can let other people judge them.
See I cannot feel this, not matter how you try and in the real world, there's no goodbyes.
I dont so much hate the scars on my arms but as above i hate the scars on my legs as they are all from very deep burns so i just feel like i look like a freak if i wear a skirt.
Shelley
"What would you do if you knew, I hate myself for breathing without you!"
ive never purposely let anyone see my scars. i think id just find that awkward.
And sail away these faces we hide behind
Cutting through the airwaves
Open up our minds
Show ourselves to the world tonight
Cause we are.. No longer in disguise ♫
I hate them in the fact that i hate people looking. It makes me feel sick to think about how they see them.
But i do find them comoforting in some ways.
there is one particular one on my wrist that i really do not want to fade...i duno why, but i seem quite attatched to that one....odd.
one day i will loathe them all, and the next i will be desperatly hoping they will be there forever.....
I also think its weird, but I both love and hate my scars!
I don't want them to go away, but still I don't want them!
But Often I sit and just look at my scars.
The scars have become a part of me. I need them to be me.
If they'll go away I won't be me...
your heart is a muscle the size of your fist
keep on loving, keep on fighting
and hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life
I usually love them. they're not reminders of anything i've gone through really, cause i haven't gone through anything. its like i think, i may be weak and stupid and pathetic, but at least im strong enough to do this (i know its not really a sign of strength, it just seems that way to me). i get jealous of other ppls too, and ashamed that i was too weak to do it as bad as them. but only if i dont know them, then it just makes me sad.
i dont want anyone find out, so i put oils and stuff on every day, which makes me feel like crap cause i don't want them to heal right away, (if they don't scar, its like it wasn't enough or real, so i need to si again, worse) but at least it gives me an excuse to stare at them for a few minutes.
a few months ago i was at a hotel and the washroom lights were really bright, and seeing my scars in that light just made me really disgusted with them and myself and what i'd become. especially the ones that are hard to hide. no one has made the connection yet, thank god, but they will eventually if i dont make them go away, and i can't handle that.
"I gave up yesterday but they still want more"
"if you say this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up"
Privately i kind of like them, if im alone, because they make me feel quite proud of the feelings i am managing to overcome. but in public or in front of friends or family, i HATE them and they make me feel so worthless.
i love them sometimes. there mine and they tell my stories and they are my secrets and they look so nice but then othertimes i wish they wernt there, i wish i could wonder around in short sleeved tops without a care in the world.
sometimes i love them, i want more to show for it, to see im recovering, that there arnt 'fresh' ones
i want more in a way, now mine are begining to fade, it was just like a bad dream. More makes it more real for me.
When people call u names, you can remember you're strong enough to get through it and fight
then i hate them
they're disgusting, i want to get rid of them, i really really hate them, what will people think of me?
i always hide them, but its easy as its not on my arms, just tops of legs, and my stomach didnt ever scar
even this morning i though about doing more when i was getting dressed, now there going, its like it never happend. but it did, it might get forgotten
and i do look at others and get jelous, that they are brave enough to do deeper ones, more often. knowing that i was week to never scar badly..
i hate them because i'm parinoid people will see them and i cant wear what i want to coz i have to make sure they're covered. Which is normally quite easy as its mainly my legs but summer holiday might be a problem. and i am ashamed because i guess i feel i havnt been through anything that justifies me doing it.
i love them because they are part of me and the past and because sometimes they feel real when nothing else does i guess... dont know how else to explain it
Dreams come true. Without that possibility nature would not incite us to have them . John Updike
To be honest i don't feel anything about them really. I don't love them but i don't hate them either. There just there, there part of me. I don't really think about them anymore because i don't want my scars to be become who i am. I'm not ashamed of them and i don't hide them. Nobody has ever seen them or has never asked about them but if they did i'd just say i've been through some difficult times.
Sometimes I hate them so much I start crying. I feel disgusted by myself. I also hate it when other people look at them or mention them. That's why they're always covered up.
At other times though, I am totally mesmerized by them. I just stare at them. I also pick on them so they don't heal as fast...
last SI: April 3rd, 2008
last burn: April 8th, 2008
