They said it would get better. They said I would stop feeling like this. They sent me to therapy, and I went. I spoke, to a point, got a bigger support group. They said I was doing everything right. I should be getting better but I'm getting worse. Without therapy I could go months without cutting and I got through the day with energy to spare. Now I cut everyday, can barely get through the day, I can't work, I just can't function anymore. My mind drifts to how many sleeping pills it would take to kill me. Today almost became an attempt so I slept the entire morning to stop being with myself. It was never like this before. Aren't I supposed to get better? I don't know what to do anymore. I can't ask for anymore help because I feel it's selfish as they're helping me as much as they can. Help?
Oh sweety. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this lost. Can I be personal and ask, are you on any anti-depressants? Maybe you need a change?
This isn't always the case, but I reacted in a funny way to the therapy I was put in, I found that spending all week carrying my troubles in my pockets just to empty them out for an hour then shoving them all back in my pockets and tottling off again, was only making me feel worse about myself. A newer or different strategy may be the path for you. You WILL find what you need. And please NEVER be ashamed to ask for help. Think of it in an economical way (if that helps), you're not wasting people's time, you're giving them someone to help and also a purpose for their choice of employment. If it weren't for depressed people like us then a lot of therapists would be out of work! That would suck for them!
Write, read, sing, paint. Find any form of a creative outlet for yourself that you can. This may help distract you. I can tollerate being with myself when I paint. It kinda kids me into thinking that I might be able to produce something important. Even if it's just for me.
Hang in there. Please? You're so much tougher than you think. You can recognise when things aren't going well and you find a way to keep yourself out of major harm. That's strength that is unquantifiable. Trust me.
I hope that helps.
Love me.
xXx
P.S. Your penguin rocks my socks.
Last edited by Nimbles : 06-03-2008 at 02:57 PM.
Reason: I realised that I had more to say!
Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. Ending your life really isnt the answer im including a link called how suicide effects those around you http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=1405r
You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I really want you to take a moment and think about how it would effect everyone around you if anything happened to you. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.
No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this.
Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.
Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.
Hey, thanks for replying! I got my first lot of anti-depressants yesterday, after a wait for blood test results etc. So I'll see if they work. Rather scared of the idea.
After a bit of thought, I have to agree with you. Therapy does tend to make things worse. Going on to sessions twice a week now, how exciting. Yesterday I spoke to her about suicide, living for other people and not really feeling that I deserve to live. She answered me like it was an option.I was so confused and scared. Surly they're supposed to discourage it?
I'm scared to ask for help from other people, not my psychologist. They all seem so busy with their own lives. I don't want to put any other stress on anyone. That line about the therapists being out of work made me laugh. ^^
I write (Poems; Journals; Stories), draw and paint. Those were my old coping methods which just don't work anymore. Now I sleep. Block out my mind and get away from myself. Don't know what else to do.
I'll hang in her, for now. Just to see if it will go away. I hope it does. Thanks for the support. Really. It means a lot.
Thanks. I love the penguin... Makes me laugh every time I see him looking at me.
Hiya you don’t have to say sorry not at all for posting. I’m so sorry that your having such a hard time right now. *hugs* everything will be ok, I know that what your going through is not easy but it doesn’t mean that you can’t get through this. we are all here for you and care for you. You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. have you thought about writting your feelings down on paper. Please keep distracting like listening to music, going for a walk. please look after yourself and try to keep yourself safe. please to hestate to pm me if you need to talk more. xx
I really think that you're being amazing about all of this. You're keeping your thoughts clear and cognative. That's something to be proud of. It really is.
Like I said before, don't be afraid to ask the questions that you want to because your psych is there FOR YOU. You pay their wages and that means that they NEED you to ask the questions. Trust me on this, if you feel alienated from your psych or your therapist then maybe you need a change. A very good friend of mine once told me that there's no point in talking to someone you don't click. Can you really be honest with a person you don't really WANT to know? No.
Make sure YOU'RE comfortable lovely. That's all that matters.
Anyway, as far as we're concerned in here, YOU are the person we want to support. YOU'RE the one who matters.
PM me if you want to chat any time ok hun? You are not alone.
xXx
The end will be amazing. If it's not amazing, then it's not the end.
Messed_up_soul's adopted sister- AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Three days on the anti depressants and ready to quit. I'm generally a very calm, collected person but now am having panic attacks, violent moods swings and insomnia. I'm scared I do something impulsive because my thoughts have drifted into just ripping myself apart. It's horrible. I hate it.
Thanks Kirsty! Sorry for the delayed reply. Haven't been able to motivate myself to spend the energy that i don't have anymore. I used to write down my thoughts but have found them rather destructive. I'm fighting, so i don't hurt other people.
Hey Nimbles. Thanks. They're also scary though. Clear thoughts and suicide creates well thought through, flawless plans. I do get on with my shrink. I love her to bits but some things aren't that easy to talk about with people I can't see out of context. I have this thing about calculating the people I talk to before I do and only seeing them in one place is kinda hard.
Thanks for the support. Will PM if things get rough and the same back to you guys.
XoX
I'm going a week without SI. I hope I can move forward. Thanks for all your help and motivation! It really means the world knowing I may be different but the other different people out there are way better than the normal. You guys are amazing!
Ah, it's getting better except today I took down some pills, but I managed to put them back. Taking a week off by the sea to refocus and collect myself. Looking forward to that! My school work has gone down the drain... Ye, I don't talk about that.
Thanks for the support! It really means the world to me!! xox
i hope ur break by the sea will help. i find it relaxing to watch the waves im glad u seem to be feeling more positive, maybe take it a week at a time with the SH or a day even if its easier. u will get thru this. im sorry u were feeling so down that u wanted to end things. i know it seems neverending sometimes but nothing lasts forever and u WILL feel better believe me. im here if u ever want to pm me for a chat. keep ur chin up hun; <3 [[[[[[cuddles]]]]]]
How is/was the sea? I hope you're taking some time to relax. It's not a bad thing to take some time to chill.
You've really made some wonderful progress, you're thinking through your actions and that's brilliant! It really is.
If you need to chat then IM me.
Hugs!
xXx
The end will be amazing. If it's not amazing, then it's not the end.
Messed_up_soul's adopted sister- AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
That week off was amazing. I went on Church camp. Hit rock bottom. Suicide filtered my mind. Brought enough pills with me to kill myself. Had a complete breakdown at dinner, started hitting myself and ran out the room crying. I don't do the crying thing. I found peace and started to love myself for who I am! I did it. Broke the bounds of self hatred. It's an ongoing battle but I wish everyone could feel like I do.
I quit SI. I broke my blade into three pieces and threw it into the darkness. I threw away the control it had over me. It's been really hard but it's been a week since I threw my blade away!
" I wake up feeling convicted, / I know something's not right / Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet //
They've been swimming in the wrong waters / Now they're pulling me down / But I am clinging to you, never letting go / 'Cause I know that you'll lift me out //
Have your way here / Keep me afloat / 'Cause I know I'll sink without you / Take this ocean of pain that is mine / Throw me a lifeline " - Lifeline, Brooke Fraser
im glad u seem to be feeling more positive, maybe take it a week at a time with the SH or a day even if its easier. u will get thru this. im sorry u were feeling so down that u wanted to end things. i know it seems neverending sometimes but nothing lasts forever and u WILL feel better believe me. im here if u ever want to pm me for a chat. keep ur chin up hun; <3 [[[[[[cuddles]]]]]]
Love me, I'm a freak!
