i feel so bad. i really felt positive, like id finally broken anorexia after all these years, but now i cant stop eating.
it can never be one thing, one chocolate (god i hate easter) it always ends up being the whole box, the whole tin, the whole bag and afterwards i feel so fat and disgusting and out of control, i am, im out of control.im still under my target weight and what everyone thinks i am but im going to gain so quickly, ive lost all my discipline and control and i dont know how to be normal and i feel so scared.
and i cant talk to anyone about it, they think im being stupid because im still underweight and have been anorexic for so long, they dont believe me that my binging is getting out of control. i feel so bad.
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
i cant breathe. i cant do this anymore. why cant i be normal? i cant do it
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
Well, it's okay we're not going to judge you. Kay?
[Lovely Huggles]
It's Easter, everybody eats a little more than normal. So give yourself a little lead way yeah? I know it's hard but say, "Ach, it's easter, it's a one-a-year thing!" Maybe you won't particularly believe it's okay to eat an extra chocolate bar just "because it's Easter" But I've found if you drill something into your head enough, you honestly do start to believe it. So start saying it, "It's okay to eat a little extra, it's Easter"
I'm not saying I don't believe you're binging, I'm saying, I don't think it's going to help you at all by thinking you're disgusting or fat. Is there somebody you can talk to about this?
You said you've been anorexic a long time. It's not that you're abnormal and crazy. It's just going to take you a while to get the balance right, that's all sweetheart.
thankyou for replying. there isnt anyone i can talk to, i cant really talk to my parents, they dont even believe im eating properly ( i dont live with them, so they dont see ), and i cant talk to my boyfriend because my ed has put so much strain on our relationship, i dont want it to interfere anymore. i need to deal with this on my own i just dont know how to get through feeling this bad, i feel so triggered. im trying really hard to tell myself its okay, its easter, everyone does it but its so hard.
x
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
i just want it to come naturally like it seems to with everyone who hasnt been ill. but that does make sense. thank youxxxx
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
You need to talk to a Doctor or somebody like that. Tell them that you feel like you're having difficult eating healthily, that you're moving from one extreme to another and maybe they'll sketch up a strict healthy diet which could help. They'll probably have some advice and support too, so it's definately worth an appointment. Better than struggling alone yeah?
yeh your right. i cant do this anymore. i just hate the thought of another meal plan. but it would probably help. thank you for being here tonight, you have really helped me not feel alone. xxxxxxxx
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
Sometimes when you have restricted for so long, your body is in desperate need of certain foods.
Do you see a psychologist or anyone? The Doctor sounds like a good idea. You don't deserve to be going through this alone. I know sometimes it seems like a good idea - but I think everyone knows in the long run it isn't.
Well done on your little Ticker, I always look when I see one of your posts. You must be very proud of yourself! (I would be.)
Take care. It will all come naturally soon, you just have to find the right balance. Sometimes food can be used to deal with emotions - ok, so I know people know that so I don't know why I wrote it!! - but it's true. Sometimes the emotions need to be looked at, because it is the emotions that are causing the problems and the food is just a comfort??
As for putting loads of weight on and being out of control. It's scary. However, you can be back in control, you can. Not that over control that takes over when you are suffering from Anorexia, but that control that means that you can eat what you want, when you want. Whether that be one chocolate or a whole box!! It's just a case of being happy with what you eat and happy with you. Comfortable with yourself. That takes time.
Sorry if this makes no sense. Not really able to put a sentence together att he moment and this is probably just gobeldygook!
xxxxxxx
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
hey:)
ive recently stopped therapy, so i dont talk to anyone like that anymore. i do feel better today, because i feel the same in my body, its not like ive woken up today and feel huge, and ive still managed to eat properly today, and have some of my dads birthday cake, which meant a lot to him.
its just straight afterwards i feel so panicky and its hard to think rationally. i think its because of restricting for so long, now i can eat things i fancy, i often feel like i take it too far.
but i do feel more comfortable in myself most of the time. and i guess i feel never put loads and loads of weight on, because thats just not how i am.
thank you for whatyou said about my ticker:) you made a lot of sense, and it means a lot to me that you took the time to reply. i hope that i can help you if you ever need it.
lots and lots of love
sarah
xxxxxx
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
okay i guess, im just trying to keep busy and distracted. my brother said last night that he thinks im doing really well and even if i feel bad, it means alot that at least he feels like im doing better because he has gone through a lot with worrying about me. it kinda made the feeling bad worth it which was good.
xxx
[center]" I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
Yeah, I understand what you mean.
I can imagine that it makes him very pleased to see you making such great steps, you should be proud of yourself. Sometimes seeing how proud people are of you, takes that edge of guilty away.
xxxxx
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
for you always!!! ALWAYS SARAH!!! i know sometimes you just cant talk to anyone but whenever you feel that u can then i am right here for you!!!
i love you tons missy!!!
xxxx
xxxbeckyxxx I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
