Triggering (SI/ED) - i'm a freak

[tigerEyes]

what do you do when you dont WANT to stop..
i know i could.. but i care so little and actually like it so much that i dont want to..

and now.. i think i'm developing an ED.. and i kinda like that too..

owell right?

[troubled_sorrowz]

Hun, sometimes people subconciously think that they cantstop so they decide that they dont want to. Im not saying thats the case with you though sopleasedont be offended. Only you can know when you are ready. Do you have a counsellor or have you spoken to your GP at all? If not, Id recommend you do that.

Also, what had changed inyour eating habits that you think your developing ED? Hun, thats a really slippery path downhill so please please see a doctor about that because its not somewhere you will want to be.

Sorry if im not making much sence... its half 5 in the am so Im a little sleepy!

Im thinking of you though!

Keep safe and stay stong *hugs* xxx

[Cazki]

Hiya there im very sorry that your having such a difficult time right now. *Gives you a big hug* Your definitley not a freak at all. Everything will be ok, i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. Could you talk to us about what it is thats made you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through.

You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. We all care about you so much. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok.

No one wants to see you get hurt anymore than what you already are, that includes me other people here, and your friends and family. I know that things are not good for you now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? Its important that if you do decide to write down your thoughts and feelings that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. Make sure that you keep safe, none of us want to see you get hurt any more than what you already are you dont deserve it.

Please keep distracting yourself as much as you possibly can, there are lots of things that you can try here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.

Take care best wishes Ian

[blondiebear]

Uh, dumb but obvious question, Is there any reason you want to destroy yourself? Are you hating yourself right now? Or is it just the way SIing makes you feel? Hope this makes sense, just trying to give you something to think about.

[tigerEyes]

wow.. i wasn't expecting replies at all. but thanks guys.. seriously. Umm well, i dont have a counselor - i've been through a couple of them and they were all awful - didnt have any experience with my situation and i can tell they were disgusting and judging. i've been doing this on and off for like, 8 years... and sometimes i wanna stop.. and i do.. sometimes i wanna stop, and i cant.. and sometime i dont see the point in trying to stop because i like the way it looks.. its complicated. err i dont make sense.

Then.. with the other issue.. i just recently moves out of my parents house a couple of months ago. I live by myself.. dont really cook.. and i've lost weight - oh and i'm a dancer [ballet, jazz etc] and i love the fact that i lost weight.. [i've always been thin but now i'm like.. thiiiiin] and its better for dance and i look better and now i'm obsessed with it and i choose not to eat when i'm alone. see here is the biggest problem -- i'm fully AWARE of my problems, i'm a psych major in college!! i KNOW EVERYTHING. but i just.. dont care! i like it!! and its not like the kinda thing where i go around telling people to make attention for myself, because i'm very private and wouldnt dare confessing this to someone i knew.. but .. i duno.

does this answer the questions?

[Shadowedcorner]

I am in a situation such as yourself, so anything I say will be as a hypocrite...But I wish you strength to get through this and get on the road to recovery. You aren't a freak and you aren't alone.