Triggering (SI) - pain.

ashleighbean · 06-02-2008, 04:29 AM

i hurt so bad inside right now. i just want it to end.
i cant help feeling the way that i do.

pain; (written by me)
i hurt on the inside, so i cut on the outside.
the pain is so strong, it seems like the only thing to do,
the only thing to do, is make myself bleed.
to watch the blood flow down, somehow brings joy,
even though i know, i know the only thing its doing,
is bringing in more pain.

scissors82 · 06-02-2008, 11:37 AM

hi ashleigh, i'm sorry you feel so bad inside... i know how you feel and i can relate a lot to your poem. if theres one thing ive learnt in my life, it's that time is one of the most important and powerful things. try to be patient and give yourself time to heal. things may not change overnight, but if you have the right support in place, and really want it, things will start looking brighter for you. hang in there ashleigh and take care of yourself. PM me if you need to. xx

GrimmFaerieTale · 06-02-2008, 12:54 PM

I know it hurts sweety, but as scissors82 says, healing takes time. We can help you through that time, stick it out, keep strong xXx

Cazki · 06-02-2008, 05:35 PM

Hello there im terribly sorry for the way that your feeling. I can understand the feelings that you have expressed in your poem, and i know whats its like to want to give up and not want to live but trying to end it really isnt worth it.

It causes too much pain for other people. I know that it would cause alot of pain for people on here because i know that alot of people care about you, none of us want to loose you we reallly dont. Please keep fighting through this please dont give up.

Could you talk to us a bit more about whats made you feel like this? Would it help if you maybe posted in the Ranting and Venting forum? Im terribly sorry for the pain that your going. I wish i could make this all go away for you. You dont deserve this at all.

Your brilliant member here at ryl and and we all care about you so much. I really dont want to see you get hurt any more than what you are. Please keep talking to us we are all here for you and we will do our very best to support you for as long as you need us. Please take care and take it easy.

Best wishes Ian xxxxxxxxxxxx

ashleighbean · 06-02-2008, 09:42 PM

thanks so much. today i felt a little better. there are just times where i cant hold it in anymore. last night i cried myself to sleep (i didnt cut, which is a good thing) but i felt like crap. i just wanted it to go away forever. i kind of feel a little better now, but my mom washed my sweatshirt and i left a razor blade in it, i had it with me because for some reason it made me feel better just knowing i had it just in case, and i think she has it now so i have a feeling she is going to check my arms legs and stomach for cuts bc she knows i do it. it only sucks bc i cut in the last week and she dosent no i did. but i dont no. i feel a bit better. and thanks for everything.

Infected Mushroom · 06-02-2008, 11:48 PM

well done on not cutting last night. just take it one day at a time.
i'm glad you are feeling better.
can you think what triggered you?
always here for you...im just a PM away x

scissors82 · 07-02-2008, 07:35 AM

i'm glad to hear youre feeling a little better ashleigh. try to take it one day at a time... and you never know, you're mum might be understanding if she already knows SI is a problem for you. we're all here to support you, so feel free to PM any time. take care..