Self-harm

I have just come back from a meeting at my therapeutic community. I had a meeting to talk about my cpa meeting and we got through a lot of things. I have come back feeling tired and stressed. We spoke about things that I have gone through, family history etc. We also spoke about my self-harm (last time was in October). I said that I have a weird opinion of it, basically meaning I wish I could do more damage and I dont see a point in stopping something or telling them before I feel like it. She said I obviously come and go with my self-harm so it is still a risk etc. The thing is I have come home with the urge to self-harm after talking about all this. I really want to do it. I am feeling down and emotional because I cant do anything (my mum is at home off ill for quite a while). Now I have that urge I want the release.

[Stellata]

How're you doing now?

The meeting is bound to have stirred up lots of feelings. It sounds like what they probably need to address with you is why you feel the need to damage yourself.
See what other ways you might find some release other than through hurting yourself - tearing up some paper, running, rubbing your arms gently with your hands, scribbling with red pen all over some paper...

Talking about it with the therapist has stirred things up, its made me think of what I used to do. I dont know why I want to damage myself, when I was doing it before I felt relaxed when I see the scars, but when they went I missed them. I have never done anything to serious, but part of me wishes I could. I dont really want to find another way to deal with it.

[Stellata]

Why are the scars so important to you?

I dont know, maybe it shows something, shows the struggle I have. It shows the damage. Its real. I have been feeling ok recently and my mum had broke her wrist so I had to help out round the house (Im not used to it). I felt positive about it, but then last night I wondered how long I can last trying to feel better and more positive. Because I have been feeling better I feel I should stay that way. Feel like I am going to struggle to stay positive.