Triggering (SI) - Why is it so bad to SI??

[sopranonut]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry i haven't been around to support others, i've been very busy with work and stuff and had to take a break as ryl was also triggering me a little. I feel pretty bad writing this when i haven't been around.

Just had an appointment with my psychthis afternoon and it was a little weird. He made me really angry and one point and i felt like cutting extremely badly the whole way through the session.

Not long from the end i said that the only reason i feel bad about cutting is because of other people's perception of it and the fact i have to hide it, especially while i'm doing my nurse training. I said that if it was acceptable in society and i was allowed to cut and didn't have to hide it that i would be fine and it would help me deal with everything and i'm fine with that. He just replied "but it's harming yourself" i was like yeah, but it's my body and right now it's not at a dangerous or life threatening level, so why does it matter. And he just kept saying "but it's harming youself" and made me a bit frustrated. He said that this is a major problem and we will discuss it next time as out time was up. Then right at the end he got the last word by saying "if cutting was acceptable you'd just have to find something else to hide". What the hell? Grrrr... I hate it when they do that right at the end!

Anyway i have question. What do you guys think? Do you think that harming yourslef is a problem for you or society? If it helps you deal with your pain, then why is it so bad?
I know this is probably a really bad view for a mental health nurse to have, but i can't help it, i've been thinking about it a lot.
If you can think of any other arguments other than "but it's harming yourself" then please feel free to pursuade me otherwise!

I'm sorry if you think this is a really stupid question!

[Schleier von Dunst]

its not a stupid question at all.
I have to hide evrything at school, because it is socially unacceptable. People think it is so bad because they don't understand why we do it. The only people who truly understand why we SI is other people who do it as well. I think if SI awareness was raised then we wouldn't have to hide it quite so carefully.
At school we are called Emo kids if there is just the slightest idea that we cut. The only people who don't call us emo kids are those who do or used to cut.
Everyone has harmed themself at some stage in the past, even if it was unintentional, they have done it and to be honest, yes, it is harming ourselves, but it is our conscious decision to do it and our conscious decision to stop. Whilst we can get help for it, being looked on as different because we harm ourselves is a form of discrimination which should be addressed in the descrimination act. I think that just because we are harming ourselves it doesn't mean that we should be classed as different.

Sorry. that's my view, I agree with you, sopranonut.
im not very good at writing that sort of thing so I've probably repeated myself several times. Hope it made sense.

[Ami]

cos we should treat ourselves iwth more respect :)

but i agree

[JumpinJackFlash]

Good, point never looked at it that way, yes it would be acceptable alongside other (harmful) coping ways, drinking etc. but society is a hard thing to change.

[starting_over]

I think that there should be a better understanding of it in society so that instead of being stigmatised, we could be more honest and open about and thus recieve the treatment necessary, both medical and psychological. sh is very addictive and given time it WILL become dangerous and life threatning. with drinking although it has the potential to become life threatning, when done in moderation is relativly safe, sh on the other hand has the potential to become deadly every time it is used. every time you harm yourself you run the risk of a serious infection, no matter how superficial, any open wound is suseptable. the same with self harm that does not cause an opening in the body. bruising can lead to serious internal clot being formed, and breaking a bone could inadvertantly cut a major vein. sh is dangerous. I have a question though, you said you are studying to be a psych nurse, if you feel that sh is acceptable, then how will treat a patient brought in with that exact problem? will watch them just as closely and administer the prescribed treatment for it? im just curious. i have been in wards and know that if i had found someone who was not opposed my self harming i would have been in some serious danger, since i would have practiced no self restraint, at least around them.

[blckcanary]

Society doesn't understand because in most peoples 'logical' minds it doesn't seem like a good way to cope and deal with issues. I agree with that to a certain extent. It is really hard to stop. I can't even say that I want to stop at this point. I know it is wrong, but I don't want to walk around with a stigma attached to my head as "the crazy one with the scars". There is also another part of me who thinks that I shouldnt be ashamed to wear short sleeve shirts in order to fit in with everyone. Its a catch 22. Dereksarah is right. The only ones who can really understand SI are the ones who are going through or have gone through it first hand. But listening to your pdoc and trying to find your own personal ways of fighting the urge to SI is an intregral step in stopping, otherwise you would not be seeing the pdoc anyway.

Also, if your pdoc isn't being very compassionate with you, then maybe its time to switch to another one. Their job is not to make you feel worse about your SI, but to help you find ways to stop and try to have a compassionate and psudo-understanding ear.

[Breadsticks]

I'm so glad you asked that! I've never thought there was anything bad about it... but i guess it's all to do with society and stigma eh :p

xxx

[Dreamer And Believer]

I totally agree. I'm not cutting on a life-threatening level and I'm gradually convincing myself it should be ok. It's my life and my body, so my choice, right? meh. I can't answer your question; just wanted you to know I ask the same one.

[sopranonut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starting_over

I have a question though, you said you are studying to be a psych nurse, if you feel that sh is acceptable, then how will treat a patient brought in with that exact problem? will watch them just as closely and administer the prescribed treatment for it? im just curious. i have been in wards and know that if i had found someone who was not opposed my self harming i would have been in some serious danger, since i would have practiced no self restraint, at least around them.

^^^ This is what scares me. I really know as a psych nurse i shouldn't be thinking like this at all. I guess though that i think it's ok for me to do it, but i don't want anyone else to be hurting themselves, which i guess is pretty silly. I think i know deep down it's not right, but i'm really struggling ith the idea right now. I want to want to stop SI, if you know what i mean, and i think realising it's not right is the first step, but i think it will be impossible to stop if i don't really want to.
But in answer to your question, i would treat someone according to the guidelines, which would involve keeping them safe, i would never jeapordise anyone elses safety, please understand that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blckcanary

Also, if your pdoc isn't being very compassionate with you, then maybe its time to switch to another one. Their job is not to make you feel worse about your SI, but to help you find ways to stop and try to have a compassionate and psudo-understanding ear.

Sorry, i hope you didn't misunderstand me. He is pretty understanding, i actually get on with him better than i have with any psychs in the past (and i've had a few!). I think he realises too that i need to see SI as wrong to be able to stop for good. And currently i'm not at that stage.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I don't want to aid unhelpful ideas for anyone else, so i hope this question was ok, it's good to know i'm not the only one and i'm not a complete freak!

[boom's wife]

Thank you so much for bringing that up!! It is definately a society problem. No one tells people who get tatoo's or body piercings that they are "harming themselves". It's an acceptable form of SI (since I see it as being the same thing). I guess if people started to cut or burn (or whatever they choose to do) but add color and design it would be ok.

[Lou_Pie]

Self-harming is not a good coping method, no matter how you look at it. It causes damage to your health; it's dangerous; it's secretive; it's messy and time consuming; it has negative emotions attached to it; things can quickly get out of control; self-harm often gets worse as time goes on; self-harm and suicide are closely linked.

I understand completely how you feel. But perhaps you feel that way because of the self-harm itself, paradoxically: you think self-harming is ok because you are predisposed to do it.
Yes, the social stigma is bad (mainly for the above reasons). But also through a lack of understanding - but as it seems to be only self-harmers that understand it, would you want someone who didn't hurt themselves to do so just so they could understand? I think a bit of give-and-take has to go on here. We have to understand that they can't understand. However, your psychologist should, and I think he was being unneccessarily blunt there.

[kaffy123]

I have said this so many times over the past two months. I also feel that the only thing "wrong" with SI is that it's not socially acceptable live smoking or drinking is.

Why aren't all smokers locked up in mental wards? They are doing far more harm to themselves than me SIing.

It's definitely a social thing. If it wasn't I'd be cutting as much as I want. As it is I'll have to hide it and be afraid someone will find out and send me back to the hospital. This pisses me off.

[learning_to_fly]

Wow this is exactly the same conversation i have with myself every single day! I've used every 'coping' method i can think of and to be honest, I think SI is one of the safest. You can generally SEE the damage you've done and look after it. Smoking, drinking, anorexia/bulimia, taking drugs etc - you never know what they're doing to you inside. But they are all more socially acceptable than SI. And with SI once you've harmed, there's no 'wearing off' period like with drugs/alcohol. You get what you need from it, fix it up and can go to school or work or whatever and not have to worry.

It is YOUR body and as long as you're not hurting anyone else, why should anyone else tell you what to do/not do to it?

Great topic and replies - i might show this to my counsellor! :)

[butterfly525]

I'm kind of in the middle on this one....I agree with some people who have said that it's not fair that SI is less socially acceptable than smoking or heavy drinking- they are all forms of self harm and I think they should be viewed more or less equally.

However, I do think that SI is a problem, and it is best for people to find other ways of dealing with their problems, that don't involve harming themselves. Think about it like this....think about the person you love the most. Would you want him/her to become a self-harmer? Probably not, even if you don't see your own self harm as a problem. Doesn't that mean there's something wrong with SI? I think maybe our opinions about this issue might be a bit biased because as a group RYL-ers tend to have lower self-esteem than the general population, so we don't value our bodies as much. But that's just a generalization and I could be wrong.

[Lil Mzz Suicide]

I used to see a woman who said she thought smoking, drinking, cutting, burning, driving too fast for fun, getting piercings/tattoo's were all self harm. And in many ways, they are. Smoking is not seen as socially unacceptable and either is drinking, or having your ears pierced and tattoo's and such. Yet why is it that as soon as people see something on your arm that is so clearly a self injury, most wince, turn down their nose at you and judge you right on the spot as being crazy.

Main answer is of course that they don't understand, a lot of people have never been so low they have deliberately hurt themselves, and therefore to them it is a completely unimaginable thing to do. It makes people angry because they think a lot of people are doing it on purpose for attention, but that is rarely true as well.

Getting asked to cover up is the worst thing though, it proves people are ashamed of you for it.

[butterfly hearts]

I used to ask this question. There has only been one answer which i really listened to and which made scence to me....
I'm a big believer in nature and in our instinctual behaviour etc.
I asked my psych 'why is it bad', and she said that....

We are naturally made to want to survive .... (i agree with this, as at times when i have tried to kill myself i have felt a defiant power overpowering everything making me want to live)....harming yourself is doing damage to yourself, risking infection, therefore could make you sick. Making yourself sick is endangering your chances of survival. Therefore self harm is UNNATURAL.

this may seem like a load of crap, but i bleieve it, LOL. It seems to be the only explination that really did it for me....

Kat xoxo

[butterfly525]

^ That's an interesting point. I've never thought about it like that but I agree with your psych.

[butterfly hearts]

YAAAAYYYYYY! I'm not strange!!!! *huggles you* teehee.

She's a smart possum my psych isn't she....strange woman LOL


Kat xoxo

[sopranonut]

^^^ yeah that is a good explanation.