Triggering (SI/ED) - a bit of everything. Scared. Rant.

[Brokengal17]

I need to say sorry for this long post to start with. This is a little bit of everything.

I'm so scared with this. I have finally come to terms with it now. I don't want to but I know there is a problem. I never thought this would happen (me having a tube) I know a few people who have had them, but lost contact with them all. I have been restricting food so much maybe not as much as I did before but still resticting. I'm cutting everyday. Restricting although I still have this tube. You would think I would get the point by now...... I feel myself hitting rock bottom. I can't see how this has all happened so quickly. I feel so lost in this all.

My psych said I need to realise that I have an Eating Disoder. I know I do but it scares the hell out of me. I don't even know how I'm meant to go being normal now. No one has helped or told me go back to being normal with food. I don't how to do this whole recovery thing. How does it go? They all just expect me to get better overnight. All I'm eating is mango and water at the moment but I'm still having my feeds at night and they are starting earlier now at 6.30 instead of 8.00. I also have ensure poppers to drink but can't do that yet. She said that I'm hurting myself and everyone around me. Now that felt really harsh. Maybe I'm just over reacting.

I would like to know how are you meant to go back to eating normally slowly. I know I can't rush it. All I know is I want to get this tube out of me. I have had a shocking time with it. I got angry and upset with it this morning and I had to get another tube put in which meant I needed some Valium for it cause I get too worked up with them putting a tube in. I just hate this so much. I'm needing some extra support at the moment with everything, so I need to tackle every problem seperatly.

Joanne

P.S Your help would be great right now.

[nowhereman]

Joanne, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time and I'm sorry I don't have much advice but I wanted to offer some kind of support. I have trouble accepting I have an eating disorder too, it scares me too. I'm afraid I don't really know how to go back to eating normally, I'm trying to eat a bit more myself at the moment. I guess I just remind myself that I need to eat regularly to eat my metabolism going and my energy up. I'm not sure about eating normal amounts though. Sorry I'm no help but I hope they start giving you some proper help with this. They can't expect you just to get better overnight.

[Brokengal17]

I hope they do too cause this is really getting at me at the moment. I had a whole mango for dinner before my feeds. So I guess that is some kind of progress. When I know I need to eat I tend to think that I will do this next time but I know I can't keep going on like this.

I can't even rememberhow this even started. This is so hard. My carers have taken away all the scales in the house. So it's kinda get even harder. The thing is that I have to gain quite a few kgs before they will take the tube out. So it's not going to be easy.

Joanne

[I'll be Fine]

I'm so sorry I can't offer you any proper advice. I am glad you want to start eating again hun.
*huge hugs*
You have my total support, if you ever want to chat, feel free to pm me hun.

Dani xx

[ickle-duckling]

I'm not sure what to suggest, but good luck with it all, honey!
Could you ask your carers if you can have some more support in terms of dealing psychologically with your ED? It sounds a little bit like they are focusing on the physical side of it (which is great in a physical sense but hard to come to terms with on an emotional level) and not dealing with the psychological side of it yet - so maybe you could ask for the psychological side of your treatment to be accelerated?
Good luck with it all anyway.
Em x