Triggering (SI/OD) - Worse today

[Brokengal17]

Today is a new day and I thought it might of got a bit better. But no luck as of yet. Hope it gets better. I just want things to get even a little bit better so at least I could cope with this.

I have not ever thought about suicide and self harm as much as I have done in this last few days. Also all the self harm I have done today is as much as I have done ever done.

Why do I have all this hope ? Why would things get better ? I dont have anything really to be hopefull for. I dont derserve this.

Feeling really suspicous and wierd right now. Like someone is almost broadcasting my thoughts through my stereo. Never realised how weird I sound.

I guess its a good thing well depending which way you look at it that my meds are locked into the carers room in a webster pack.

So it be good if I could talk to someone.ASAP. Again.

Joanne

P.S This is proberly a silly post

[idontwantnomorescars]

hey there sweetie, i know youre not feeling anywhere near your best at the moment but hang on in ther. keep talking to us at ryl we are all here to help you get through this and we all care about your well being.

its a pretty scary place to be in when you realise just how much you are thinking of self harm and suicide, but please stay safe, i dont know you but i would care if something would happen to you.

things would and will get better because you deserve it:)

i bet if you thought really hard there is something to be hopeful for, i mean with the state you are in you will have think so much harder because you not in a good place mentally.


and this is not a silly post by the way i'm glad you posted here.

sweetie please dont self harm anymore than you have done and keep your wounds clean.

and i am glad that your meds are locked away because at least that way you are just a little bit safer i wish someone had locked away my meds from me when i was at my worst.

stay strong hunny you can make it through. keep posting on here and you will keep getting support

[Stellata]

There's always hope. Do you know the story of Pandora's Box? I find it helps me many times.
When my therapist is away I often feel despairing, hopeless, insecure, alone, but over the years we're slowly building up my inner resources more and more to help me cope during those days we're apart. It takes time. You've not been with your therapist long and everything's all pretty new.

I'm glad that your meds are locked away.
Does your carer know how you're feeling? Might she help?

My pm box is always open, and I'll reply as soon as I can.

[Cazki]

Hello there im so sorry that things are worse for you. Im sorry for the pain that you are going through you deserve to have a brilliant and happy life like lots of other people. Things wont always be like this though things will get better. You have so much to look forward to. You have a great life ahead of you. Your such a fantastic person i know that you can get through this.

You have come such a long way and i really dont want to see anything happen to you .You deserve to be happy and one day soon you will be. We all care about you so much and wwe will conttinue to support you the best we can. Could you tell us more about whats made you feel like this? Do you have anyone else that you can talk to? Please keep talking to us ok we are here for you through this difficult time that your having. Please keep yourself safe. I hope that things get better soon.

Take care best wishes Ian xxxx

[Brokengal17]

Thanks for all the replys everyone.

To be completly honest Im not really sure what it is could be the paranoia, voices or the fact that Im in care of the department of Child Safety ?

This might sound strange but i feel so alone but yet so crowded by Nikki ( the voice).

I have support workers and an fantastic co ordinator but they still dont really understand what im going through?

By the way i recently overdosed and ended up in ICU. Everyone thinks my mood is low, but that doesnt even start to describe how im feeling on a good day. Most days i cant keep myself safe thats why my psych is seriously thinking abput hospital again.

Joanne

[idontwantnomorescars]

it doesnt sound strange at all your may feel physically alone but nikki is consuming you emotionally.

your support workers etc wont really ever know or understand what you are going through, you are the only person who will ever understand what it is that you are going through.

hospital does perhaps sound like a good safe place for you to be right now hunny

[Brokengal17]

yeh hospital is a good idea for me, i guess. She gets back on Monday, so its not that long now. But i really hope i can last till then at least.This year is already going bad. Nikki is getting worse by the day. The medication what im on should be helping but its not. This is all so frustrating and there are alot of other stuff going on to.

[jdpasino]

what else is going on that has you so frustrated? keep posting we are all here

[Brokengal17]

Well my other psych he told me and my GP that I need to have a nasal gastic tube in. My BMI is 17. Now that everyone is saying that I have a problem with food. So with this new tube in my nose to make sure I gain enough weight. If I lose anymore weight I will have to go into hospital. But now I'm thinking that maybe that isn;t such a bad idea now. Well at least I can get help for all of this at once. I will be in there for a while then but if this is what I need than I guess it's a good thing. When I see my prober psych I am going to talk to her about the hospital. But im already guessing that she will want to talk to me about anyway with this tube in me will just have her even more concerned than she was before. I feel worse each day things arent getting better. I'm even on this stupid anti- depressant, Zoloft and that's clearly not working. I'm so close to give up but everyone seems to be telling me that things will get better real soon.

Joanne

[jdpasino]

please don't give up just keep on talking *hugs*