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last year (sorry its a bit long)
hey i used to be on the forum but havent been on in a long time. hope everyone is ok. sorry for posting and whinging straight away
The last year has been really cr@p and upsetting. It ended the same way it started – total pain and upset. My future is not what I thought it would be anymore. Durin this year I was happy and in love, planning marriage and a family and saving money for a future with my partner. How could it all fall apart so badly? it ended like 2 or so months ago. I am really struggling to deal with it all. It has had a huge effect on me and I am struggling. I know it will take time to move on, but it feels so raw and painful and everytime I go over things I just cant work out what happened or why. It is so hard. I was so sure that my life was with her.
But now I am alone. I have lost my long term partner, and my best friend. I am so lonely. I get through the days fine but when I finish work I have nothing. I have few friends and none live near me. I have my pets and I love them a lot but its not the same. all I can do is exist, never feeling happy, fighting my head and my issues but I have no enjoyment. I go out with housemates and try to talk to people and make new friends but I am very shy and not good at small talk at the best of times, especially when I am feeling like I am right now. Just so alone.
Everywhere I look there are reminders of her and it just sends me into tears. I shouldn’t be crying about it after this long but I cant take it. The effects of missing her and the confusion and the awful sudden way it ended and the bad things that were said…its all too much. Just thinking about it all whilst typing this has set me off crying. Im so stupid
If I am honest this last 3 or so years has changed me dramatically. i believe I used to be a kind caring man but experiences have left me bitter and with a significant distain for the world in which I reside. And I know a lot of this is my own fault. I could have avoided everything by takin different decisions. I am not really angry at anyone but myself. I know everyone makes mistakes. But have I made mistakes? Or have I put myself in these bad positions as a form of self harm? All I know is the last three years have been sh1t and have provided me with so much pain
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