Triggering (SI) - i dont think i can do this..

[cobinrapner]

i havent cut in so long. its been almost a year. but i want to. sooo so bad. i cant stop thinking about it. i'm on my winter break from school so no one is around. my parents cant help. it's so awkward talking to them about it. all i want to do is cry for hours. but my body just wont let me. i want to call elise. but i dont want to make my problems hers. it's not fair. i already lost leigh that way. this is just a moment of weakness. but it's taking over. i just want to cut again. i cant sleep. its 4am and i just want to cry myself to sleep and try to relieve something inside. but my body just wont let me. i just want to cut and get everything out. but i cant. i would waste all that hard work. but i feel like i need it again. but i would have to start the countdown all over. but whats one little cut? just a slip up right? does it count? no! i cant think like this. this isn't going to make sense to anyone. it's like i'm talking to myself. why bother? if i cant talk to my closest friends about it, who can i talk to? this is too frustrating. i just want to sleep. my body just needs a rest and so does my head. it wont stop buzzing. i'm just gonna try to sleep some how. but now i can't stop thinking. i cant stop thinking of last year, all those cuts on my arm and how i want them there again. the scars are still there. if i just cut them open it wont count right? they were already there. not a big deal. STOP! i can't do this. i need to go back to school. i feel so alone..

[nowhereman]

hey I'm sorry you want to cut and you feel alone. A big well done though for not cutting in nearly a year. that's amazing. Anyway I'm not much help right now sorry. I hope you wont cut but if you do try not to feel too bad about it cos we all have slip ups, they're a part of recovery. I know they're upsetting but they happen. Try to keep distracted though or something.

[Cazki]

Hello there im so sorry to hear that you have got bad urges to cut and that your lonely. You can get through this i know you can the fact that you havent cut in nearly a year is brilliant, its hows how strong you are you might notthink your strong but you are to me. Your stiill here fighting through it which is another brilliant thing too im so proud of you i really am. Your doing so well. I know its difficult when your alone and that but please keep fighting the urges i know you can do it. I know its hard though.

Have you tried any distractions? Maybe going for a walk, or doing jobs to keep yourself busy? Im so sorry for the pain that you are going through, but things wont always s be like this things will get better. You have a great future ahead of you. Please dont give up. We are all here to support you ok and we will do our best so if you need to talk please keep posting here and your welcome to pm me.

Best wishes Ian xxx

[ShyGirlEiana]

((cobinrapner)) I wish I had some encouragement to offer, but all I've got at the moment is to let you know you're NOT alone...because I'm right there with ya, feelings-wise. Close to a year as well, but also so close to giving it up. Distractions are definitely a good idea - I know it's about the only way I can make it through when I'm like this. Distract myself till I'm too tired to cut. Just keep taking it one day at a time - or five minutes at a time, or one minute at a time, or whatever. Sorry, this probably isn't helping. But I just had to post, because what you wrote is just where I'm at right now. *more hugs*