Things are hard right now

[not_so_insig]

If you have read my r/v you know this already.

Basically my first cousin once removed (who i shall refer to as LAE) was groomed online via Snapchat. Her friend became concerned for her and told her mum, who in turn told LAE's mum. The groomer has been blocked (she's slightly too young to have Facebook) on LAE's Snapchat.

Now as previously mentioned on here I was sa including being groomed by my abuser. It's reawakened old feelings. Though mine weren't exactly the same as my abuse took place during the 1990s when the Internet wasn't common in homes and mobile phones weren't that common either. Certainly messaging apps such as Snapchat weren't around then. So although I don't understand how it can be done online I can emphasise with LAE's situation.

I am really struggling with my feelings. I am aware it's late and won't get a reply until later. I know that I have prn if things get too much. I am hoping that by posting this it will help emotionally. Idk what to do other than try coping strategies. Many professionals have told me that I have good ones.

I certainly don't feel suicidal or like SI. More like emotionally distressed. Which will probably pass once I got over the initial shock.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds really difficult, Dawn. I'm sorry about what your cousin and yourself have been through. I can understand being forced to confront things because of horrible situations and that you can't exactly avoid it. Do you have someone you can talk to? You will get through this, please be kind to yourself and do whatever safe things help. Can you remember feeling this way before and if you were able to deal with things safely? Please keep posting if it helps.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks for your reply Lindsay. Other than contacting my cpn i have nobody to talk to. But I am reluctant to get in touch with her as she doesn't know about my sa as when it's been an issue before she wasn't my cpn. If I don't get in contact with her this week then she's coming next week so I can mention it then.

As for distractions well I have my art. I mainly use tv as a coping strategy; though that can be both a blessing and a curse. I could try baking as that's helped in the past. I could try reading some more of my book. The one I am currently reading isn't too taxing mentally. I could try going to the park and sitting there. All of which have helped in the past.

But right now my feelings are just overwhelming.

[one_step_closer]

Are there ways you can break down the activities that help so you don't feel like they are big tasks that you can't focus on. So maybe do some colouring instead of art and if it's too difficult to choose colours you could do colour by numbers or paint by numbers. With TV you could maybe watch something that you've seen before and find comforting. Is there a place you can sit outside to get some fresh air that isn't far from where you live?

[not_so_insig]

The park isn't that far away plus I have a bench outside my block of flats so I can sit there if the weather is nice.

I could watch Keeping Up Appearances. I also am slowly completing a paint by numbers kit so could do that instead of drawing. See how I feel. At the moment I'm taking each hour as it comes.

I feel guilty because I feel that I should be thinking about LAE rather than my own trauma. But my own trauma is legit. I can't help because none of my own family know about my situation and LAE lives too far away to be of any practical assistance. The only saving grace is that LAE's parents stopped it before it got deadly serious.

[one_step_closer]

You can't always be there for everyone, and it's not required of you to do that either. Sometimes you just have to look after yourself. It sounds like LAE does have some support.

How are you today?

[not_so_insig]

I am doing much better today. Still affected but feeling more positive/less emotionally distressed.

[one_step_closer]

That's really good to hear, I hope things keep improving. Well done for managing safely.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lindsay. Each day I am slowly getting better. I have yet to contact my cpn and probably won't today. But as previously mentioned she's coming next week so if things are bad still I might talk to her about it. Or not. See how I feel when she comes.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds like a good plan. You should maybe mention to your CPN that you have been struggling but that you worked through things. You don't have to go into details if you don't want to.