Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson "I hear those voices that will not be drowned" Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013
The reason I have a party every year is cause I did not expect to make it to 29, let alone 32. I have a party to celebrate another year alive because I came so close to death.
Mary did you get my birthday text? Whatsapp told me you had a new number and so I changed it in my phone but the whatsapp I sent you then hasn't been read so I wonder if there has been a situ.
In hindsight I probably could have had this conversation somewhere other than this thread but whatever.
I wish you hadn't sent me that photo showing me what you had done, because now nothing less than that feels like enough, even when I'm exhausted and in pain, I have to carry on because anything less now feels pathetic. I know you didn't mean it, and this is unfair, and I've probably been triggering the shit out of you for months, but I guess that's why I'm posting here instead of saying it to you. I have no right.
Genuinely do not know why you decided to send that email to me.
Bad enough that you invaded my privacy and creeped what little you could on my very private FB, but then to take what you did see and somehow still manage to make it all about you and then to hit me with the "I wish we could have been more" nonsense was very uncool; especially when I'm celebrating something incredible and wonderful.
If it wouldnt hurt that kid of yours, i'd pray you killed yourself.
However, i do pray that you don't do to him what you did to me when i was younger than him.
Child rapist piece of shit.
I trusted you.
So much of what fucks me up can be traced back to those nights i smelt the alcohol coming out of the pores on your skin. Your stale cigarette breath on my neck.
I was going through so much trauma already.
Even now when i hear a door creak at night i shudder.
My scars are mine, not yours. I'm not letting you claim any part of me.
Romeo - I miss you, seeing your face, even just for those 10 mins made my month.
Squidge - I don't even know where to start. this is so complicated. I'm conflicted between helping to and protecting myself. i know its not your fault, but that doesnt mean i want to be unsafe.
It's killing me too
It's so wrong not to be with you
It's getting harder to stay awake It's killing me too
It stops my heart just to be with you
So listen cause you are the only one who cares to hear
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
Oh so you don't email me for weeks but you can email about Black History Month.
Now I know how it feels to be ghosted. I hurt people. You could just have said I have read but can't get back to you right now, or even until your appeal results.
D come on man.
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
It's your birthday today. I sent you a card, before I realised you had unfriended me on fb.
I know we haven't really spoken in a while, though I did message a few times asking how you were. When you hadn't messaged at all. I know our lives have changed. We are very different people to how we were 10 years ago. It's just hard that 10 years of very close friendship can just suddenly be gone with the click of a button.
I sent you a message. Basically a goodbye one. Thanking you for pretty much keeping me alive for 10 years, and I hope I made a difference in your life too, and it wasn't all bad. And that I understood, and hoped I hadn't upset you.
I didn't get a response. It's fine. Really. I was upset, obviously, but people grow apart. That's life!
A goodbye would have been nice though.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I miss you and I'm sad and I hope you're okay
And I'm not gonna text you that because you've ignored me for over a year by now and I promised myself I would stop begging for a response from you
