I feel like my therapist doesn't know what to do for me anymore
I've been told by them that my symptoms are "treatment resistant." They want me to reconsider medication, but it all tastes bitter to me. They have also brought up to me on several occasions that they think another therapist might be better.
I'm constantly asked, (by my parents) "do you think therapy is helping?" "Are you any better?" How am I supposed to answer that. I have been like this for almost a decade. I was young and the bulk of the damage that had been happening for years has settled, but I keep mentally relapsing. Surely it'll take years to also "become better." I don't want to be this way. I wish I could all of a sudden "be better" but I don't know anything other than where I am now.
Anyways, I'm frustrated and feel like I'm being given up on. It's almost as if I'm incurable and that makes me feel like a freak. A freak who has no answers and just a bunch of symptoms that cannot be helped by anyone. My parents don't know what to do for me anymore, and they have told me exactly that. I never asked for this. I never asked for an adult to ruin me and tarnish my innocence. And I never asked for these symptoms brought on by other people. So I wish it wouldn't feel like people were giving up on me, like I'm a hopeless cause with no light at the end.
I guess if I disregard all the truth, then I'll live up to their standards. "Be better."
I'm sorry you feel this way. I can understand a lot of how you are feeling. Would you not be willing to try seeing a different therapist and/or taking medication? These could be good steps forward rather than being stuck where you are. If your current therapist isn't helping then it sounds like it would be a good idea to try something different that you might not have tried before. There are still options, you are not beyond help.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
The issue is that in my area, there's not many therapists and they're all booked. I have been in the wait-list for multiple therapists since around winter last year. No other therapist has called back.
As for medication, I tried an antidepressant and ended up feeling worse in all aspects. What it was supposed to do basically did the opposite. I'm weary about trying another medication. It doesn't help that practically all of them have the same side effects that you're trying to make smaller. If I absolutely had to, I would try more medications but I also don't want it to be the only thing that helps me. I guess you could say I'm skeptical because of my past experience.
I don't know what to do anymore and it seems the people around me don't either, even the professionals. I'm trying the things my therapist is suggesting, but none of it has really helped. At the same time, sometimes I don't want to go to therapy anymore.
The people around me think I'm fine because I suppress everything. I don't know what to do and everyone keeps expecting me to give them an answer when I just don't know.
so - based on our own personal experience of being told we are treatment resistant, HELL YES you need to find a new therapist. this one sounds super shitty if they are going to think that of you, and it's clearly clouding their judgement and how they are treating you. which may also be why they have made the recommendation for someone new.
we're so sorry you are experiencing that. it feels so shitty and isn't someone a decent therapist should ever say to someone. they are wrong and you deserve proper support. that's a ****ed up, shitty thing to have been told and you did not deserve that.
think it's very valid to be skeptical of medication, and is very much your right to make those decisions.
also just want to suggest that you may need to follow up with the other therapists if you've been on the waiting list that long. we got in with our current therapist because we were one of the only ones who bugged her repeatedly. most of the time if it's been a few months they just don't bother to follow up and think you found someone else.
it may be hard to believe given what is going on for you currently, but one thing a therapist human told us once that has always stuck with us is this: a patient never fails at treatment, the treatment fails the patient.
it sounds like if it's making you feel that badly that the therapist is really not a good fit for you or your needs, and it sounds like you've tried REALLY hard to make it work. if you're trying the things they suggest and they aren't working, that's totally okay. it's not for you, and it's not your fault. but if that's all they got to suggest, then yea, makes sense to move on.
it might be worth taking a break from therapy for a few weeks or even a month or so while you try to find someone else? it's very much possible to burn out on therapy and need a break.
this might be disjointed. just really feel for you as we've been told similar things before. and it took finding a therapist human who WAS A good fit for therapy to look and feel totally different than what you are describing. it took a lot of looking for us - and a change of diagnosis and mindset as well.
like you are saying, you've been dealing with stuff for a long time. so if the therapist's end goal is recovery in whatever definition they deem to suit, then yea, you're working a completely different framework and goal than they are. and it's going to be difficult for it to help when you are working from two different perspectives. it sounds like for you your end goal is for things to just be more manageable, so if you can look for a therapist who works more from a management than recovery perspective, that might also be better.
thinking of you and please feel free to ask if we need to clarify anything
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
She's trying a different approach now, one that she used for veterans. It's a lot more structured and I've been given homework (that I'm putting off until last minute). I just don't really want to think about my trauma or "stuckpoints."
I haven't been going to therapy for a year and I don't think it's burnout. I think it's that my symptoms and mental state have been lingering for years all the while I've been supressing them. What I mean is that my symptoms have been left untreated for longer than they should've been and so that makes "getting better" difficult since I cannot remember a time where I was not like this.
I feel like I do need therapy, otherwise I'll spiral even further. But at the same time, I find myself not wanting to go. I don't know why.
I don't know what I want. Like I said, I can't remember any other time where I wasn't like this. I don't know if I want to be in a similar situation with another person or if I want to walk away from it scarred but free. "Getting better" seems horrifying. Like if you were stuck in a pitch black room and someone opened the curtains, that light is painful, so I shrink further where I feel safest. I don't understand why it seems people have a hard time understanding that maybe sometimes I don't want to get better.
Sorry, I started rambling on. And thank you, I really liked this-
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror.
it may be hard to believe given what is going on for you currently, but one thing a therapist human told us once that has always stuck with us is this: a patient never fails at treatment, the treatment fails the patient.
