i saw my trauma therapist today, i have told him i get very anxious about police knocking, arresting me, investigating.. etc. i have been for a few years. i am spefically worried about the dwp investiging me. anyway, i wont go on about it but its just gotten more dysfunctional and stressful for me now. anyway he originally said maybe it's trauma related (this is before i mentioned the dwp thing). so we started to work on it (its EMDR) but then as i said more he said it seemed delusional and that he wanted to talk to my pysch at the CMHT! but then he doesn't think i'm psychotic. so how does that work?? he did say he wanted to speak to me more about these thoughts next week and then speak to the CMHT doctor. very worried. and confused. i'm being changed to quetiapine for my PTSD but he said he wants them to increase it because of these thoughts? i'm worried, very worried. also my CMHT doctor is useless and whenever i have said i'm feeling anxious about the police she just says i'm anxious about everything, which i'm not, i'm fucking worried about the DWP and the police. but she never has asked so i never said, plus i never have time with her. i have 1.5 hours with my therapist who is also a 'professor of psychiatry' according to my notes/letters i get - does that mean he is also a psychiatrist? like i'm wondering does he even know what a delusion is? can he even say such a thing?? i don't think i'm delusional tbh. so ahh the confusion and stress. i just don't want to be sedated to death! i have kids to look after :(
wow i haven't added any paragraphs to this. sorry. and sorry for the vent. any insight would be great. and if you have made any sense of that, thank you.
It's possible that these thoughts and worries have got stronger because of the medication switch. I always find things go a bit wonky in the middle of a med change.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Could be causing some concern maybe?
I know you were worried about possible side effects of the new med
I'm not a dr, obviously! But i wouldn't say your thoughts are necessarily delusional. Probably heightened anxiety?
I know i get anxious over the dwp and police and i wouldn't class it as delusional because it's not beyond the realm of possibility (highly unlikely though, of course!)
Especially as you've done nothing wrong.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
These thoughts sound scary, no matter what label is put on them or not. Does a label change anything for you? I know it might be confusing to try and see them in a different light. I understand the DWP fear as I also feel that way but I have never considered it delusional nor has anyone else. Make sure you ask your therapist all the questions you have.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just feel like they are investigating me and apparently they aren't. According to therapy man. I wait for the post everyday out the window incase they have written to me. I feel like they are out there waiting to catch me out. And I haven't lied. But I feel like they are going to say I have and get me for it. Like if there are police near my street I won't cross the street or I wont go out, incase they arrest me. If that makes sense!
Irregardless of what he says, it's scary living waiting for it.
It is very scary when you have such strong beliefs. Does nothing help reassure you? Maybe the Quetiapine will be useful, how do you feel about trying it?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
thank you.
It is. I have to come off my arirprirozole first which is taking two weeks and then I start the quetiapine so it'll be a while yet let alone to see an effect. I will try it but I don't see how it'll change the situation I find myself it. It's awful being under such scrutiny all the time. And I don't think labelling it as XYZ is helpful because again, I'm still stuck here waiting. Nothing is particularly reassuring, my husband says they wouldn't keep paying me if they were investigating but I feel like that's exactly what they'd do so they can catch me out when I least expect it. It's very stressful to be honest. I have some prn but again, it just papers over the facts and everything. Thanks for hearing me 💜
Tbh, coming off the old med is hard, I'm feeling...not great, all on edge and I have been getting up at 3 everyday but I have therapy tomorrow so I'm hoping for some support and I guess we'll have to talk about last week too.
That sounds tough. Coming off meds can be so difficult, I hope it gets easier with time. Good luck with your appointment, I hope you can discuss the things you want to and it at least helps a bit.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
