I've Been Accused...

[S3V3N]

Of self harming. I suffer from trichotillomania. I really don't think that's a fair comparison. Am I wrong?

[Elmer]

I think that trichotillomania is generally regarded as a form of self harm.

Do you think that the comment came from a place of concern? You use the word 'accused' so I was wondering if the person was being malicious or if they might want to help.

[S3V3N]

I just don't think it's fair to call it self harm because I struggle not to do it every single day of my life. I started doing it when I was six, and not from a place of malice, but from anxiety caused by an abusive alcoholic father. As an adult I am much more aware of it and catch myself and stop. I often catch myself doing it while driving and stopped at red lights. People don't notice. It's comparable to a nail biter. I know someone that self harms and what she does is not something that could be done at a red light without someone noticing or a cop pulling her over.

I guess it's a sensitive subject for me. Other than my parents (who have both been deceased for a long time) no one knows I struggle with this condition. I've kept it a secret and I've even chosen not to have children, despite wanting them, at the risk of passing it on. And after decades I finally felt I could talk about it.. so I joined a forum that specialized in mental illness. I thought I would be safe to talk about it there, but instead I had the moderators PM me to say that talking about self harm is not allowed there and that my post had been edited.

My post was a response to an already existing thread called "Trichotillomania" - which is the literal definition of hair pulling- and wrote a bit about my experience. It wasn't even much, I said that I sometimes leave my eyebrows patchy and that I have to draw them in. And that I miss swimming because I don't want people to see my brows without being drawn in. They edited my thread and left it making no sense. Basically they left it saying "I have trichotillomania and I miss swimming."
I was so embarrassed I asked the staff to just delete the post altogether and they refused. I logged out of the site after that and haven't been back since. I felt stupid and twice as depressed after joining that site looking for help. The irony.

It sucks because I will probably just keep keeping it inside after that experience. They pretty much reinforced the "shut up about it and stay ashamed" policy I've had all these years about it.

[Elmer]

So are you looking for support, or are you hoping to enter into a debate? I don't think that anybody here wants to argue semantics, but we're definitely here to offer emotional support or advice if that's what you need.

I'm sorry things have been so tough for you, and if it helps I don't think trichotillomania is anything to be ashamed of.

[S3V3N]

When I joined the last forum I was hoping to share experiences with others that have the same thing in common. But that was quickly shut down. I'm not looking to debate, it's just that after years of seeing different shrinks, therapies and trying different medications, no one, not one person ever referred to it as self harm. It felt like a slap in the face.

On this site I just wanted to see what others thought. I don't want to talk about trich anymore, that ship has sailed.

Thank you for your response though, it is appreciated.

[Auror.]

I would also agree that it falls under self harm. Many, many things can fall under self harm that either aren't life threatening, or even things we consciously do with the intent to harm ourselves. Even things like staying up too late can be considered self harm in a similar context, because it's harmful to you.

I'm sorry you weren't able to discuss it like you wanted, and their reaction was not something you had been prepared for. That really sucks.

[S3V3N]

I just wish growing up things had been explained to me a little better. But it was taboo back then to talk about mental illness.

I suppose when it comes to mental illness a lot of things overlap, so it does make sense it would be seen as self harm. Its just not what I'm used to when hearing of self harm, at least from my experience (which is only knowing of two people that would cut themselves) It seems like a very different thing to me. I consider myself lucky that my trich is fairly mild compared to some. I can hide it very well, which is the reason I've managed to keep it a complete secret my entire life.

And yes, it was very frustrating not to be able to talk about it. What is the point of a forum like that if you can only state what your problem is and that's it? Talking helps!

Thank you for your response, Auror.

[Twisted Fate]

I see it kind of differently. I don't view trichotillomania as self harm and can see how it would bother someone. True trichotillomania is often due to anxiety. The motive in this disorder is not really to harm oneself and is often done subconsciously. I see it as more of a nervous tic. Of course everyone is different and every situation is different. I can only speak on what I've learned and seen in college and my career. Hope this helps some.