He does usually make sure we make joint decisions. I've always felt so far that his plans are good so I agree to go ahead with them. I will try and write a priority list. Usually it seems like I have lots to say and then I don't. I mess things up for myself.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know this isn't the DSM criteria but the NHS website says a symptom of EUPD could be 'prolonged episodes of abnormal experiences – where you might experience both hallucinations (voices outside your head) and distressing beliefs that no one can talk you out of (such as believing your family are secretly trying to kill you)
These types of beliefs may be psychotic and a sign you're becoming more unwell. It's important to get help if you're struggling with delusions.'
Maybe that's what people mean when they say the men and the other world do fit into a EUPD diagnosis?
That doesn't change my beliefs about them being real but maybe this is why the professionals have false beliefs that they are part of EUPD. But things have been getting worse, and although that says it could be a sign that you are becoming more unwell nobody really bothers about that.
Anyway, I will post what I have written for my appointment in another post so this isn't too long. Please let me know if it sounds ok and if I've mentioned something here that I haven't included but what might be important to include. Thanks.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Things have been getting worse starting from after my last appointment.
I haven't been able to phone Duty and talk about things.
Things from the other world are overwhelming and the other world might be leaking into this world. I am responsible for stopping it by listening for messages.
People were in my loft for a while sending codes.
Being outside is scary. Little things like a single raindrop or what someone is wearing makes me very anxious for no reason that I'm aware of. I only go out when I really have to. It takes me a while to talk myself into going out sometimes.
My brain is swelling again.
Normal daily tasks feel like too much.
I cut at one point which I rarely do. I still X form of self harm when it would be helpful.
The men and the other world - do they really fit into EUPD?
I need someone to regularly talk to.
I'm very low, can my Escitalopram be increased?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I think that list is really clear and to the point, highlighting what the biggest issues are. The only thing I'd suggest is making it clear that it's not because you don't need support from duty, but that making phone calls yourself is really very anxiety-inducing and that you tie yourself up in knots trying to contact them?
I'm not one for suggesting stuff just in case he thinks I'm asking for things I don't need.
I feel like you're probably not going to budge on this but fwiw, I think you're a good judge of what you might need and it's more than valid to ask for it.
Regarding your next post about EUPD, I don't really know how much of my rant about the use and misuse of the EUPD diagnosis you would like, but I'm guessing the answer is 'not much' so I shall try to keep it short.
Basically, if we accept EUPD as a valid diagnosis (questionable), perhaps what you are experiencing could maybe be described as part of that but it could also very likely be a 'standard' psychosis, treatable with therapy and/or medication and professionals do have a tendency to write off quite intense psychotic-type symptoms if someone has an EUPD diagnosis which I don't think is at all reasonable. I don't know how that helps actually but yeah, there's my abridged thoughts?
I will make sure I explain why I haven't been able to speak to anyone on Duty. I will try and ask about an antidepressant increase and maybe if I can try a different antipsychotic since I'm reducing and coming off (I think) Risperidone. The most important thing with my meds right now is coming off Risperidone because it's causing symptoms that over the long term could lead to serious physical issues so I don't know if we'd do anything much with my other meds right now.
I wish I had you to speak up for me about the other world stuff and EUPD! I still believe the men and the other world are real but if other people don't want to accept that I want to have a clear reason why they're not accepting it instead of saying it's a symptom of EUPD if it's not. I don't know how much of this I will be able to talk through.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I need lots of good vibes for tomorrow. How on earth am I going to get everything said? Do you think it's best to read out everything on my list first and then talk about them more so he firstly knows how much is on my list? If I just try to talk about things initially one at a time he might not realise I have more things I want to say. I'm worried I'll mess up whatever I do. Plus it might be hard to get there in an ok state because of having to go outside. There's not going to be enough time to talk, I don't know how long appointments are but they usually go quickly.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Don't have many words but wanted to send a bucket of good vibes. If you want to go a thing at a time you could say I have ten things I need to cover can we make sure we get through them please?
I was really nervous when I was in my appointment because I had been outside and just generally thinking I couldn't get my voice heard. He did let me go through my list and we discussed most of it. I didn't get an answer to what he thinks the men and the other world are. He just said he can't imagine it and to him it sounds like science fiction. When people tell me things aren't real I think they know they're real and are hiding it from me but he said he's telling the truth. He did ask if I thought the other world stuff was part of another mental illness but I said no because it's real. He said not phoning Duty might go against me getting a CPN because it looks like I can cope without them. He said CPNs don't just talk things through, but my previous CPN did. I don't want to be doing worksheets etc. I don't think I'm going to get a CPN anyway. I'm just going to have to be alone, and my psychiatrist is leaving in a month to move on to better things, they all leave. He was a good psychiatrist, I hope the next one is good too. I've to come off Rispiridone 1mg a week and then start a new antipsychotic (can't remember the name) that helps with mood too. He asked if I'd phone someone if these changes made things too much to deal with. I said I would but who knows. That's me alone again. Fingers crossed that the new med helps.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I was on lurasidone for quite a while, alongside clozapine. It helped for a bit but didn't stop me ending up in hospital and on my last admission they took me off it with no ill effects. So turned out not to be a long term drug for me! But for a while it was good for my psychotic symptoms. It can have great effects.
Thanks for the replies. I'm going to give the med a go. Got to come off Risperidone first which might be tricky and I've been told to phone the Duty CPNs if I'm struggling but I've been trying to do that since January. About getting a CPN he just said I'm not likely to get one because I've not spoke to anyone on Duty so it looks like I can cope without support. You've seen how difficult it is for me to phone Duty.
I'm also scared of things changing. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to a med change but I know I've been struggling. I can't get it right with myself. Change is scary and might be the wrong kind of change for me. I'm so stupid. I really do feel like giving up.
I'm still getting upset by random things when I'm outside and I don't know why. We didn't really discuss that. I hope so much that I get on well with the next psychiatrist.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
