Reconnecting with a friend

damocles23 · 18-12-2020, 02:22 PM

My best friend in the entire world is getting closer every day with another person in the group. He's a great guy and I wish no harm on them, but as someone with abandonment issues, this is hurting every day. Today I just learned she is going to do a really cool thing for him as a gift and I wondered "Did she ever do that for me"?. She did it for other people but the fact is with this person bothers me. I don't feel secure enough in our relationship and I am trying to find a healthy coping mechanism or even a way to reignite the spark, to make us grow closer. It's a very special person to me and, even if she may not share my fears, I am very insecure and sad in this moment of my life.

Pi.R^2 · 18-12-2020, 10:40 PM

Oh no, this sounds like a really tough situation and I can see how it must be getting to you.

You've said that it's this particular person that is bothering you- do you know why that is?

I would suggest trying not to read too much into it that she's doing a cool gift for him. The quality of gifting isn't necessarily correlated with level of friendship - sometimes you just have a great idea and go with it, even you don't normally do much gifting.

I don't know what the rules are like where you are, but could you suggest some face to face socialising with your friend? That might be nice and also helpful in reassuring yourself that you aren't losing her.

Also it could be worth trying to invest some time into your other friendships- that way you're also 'branching out' and might feel a bit less threatened by this.

damocles23 · 19-12-2020, 06:11 AM

Mostly because I have deep, underlying jealousy for this person despite him being completely unduplicitous and supportive. He has encouraged me, lent an ear, and showed nothing but respect. The problem is not him, but my insecurity.

My other friend already lives far away from each other and due to the pandemic can't see each other yet. We do make frequent calls. She likes to listen to time and spend time with me, but I wish she did it more than with him. It's silly and petty, but that's how it is. Again, I do not blame anyone but myself for this.