Triggering (SI) - never thought I'd be back here

xfallenxtooxdeepx · 25-11-2007, 08:01 AM

Probably none of you remember me.. but I was a very active member here... I was self-mutilating a LOT.. it was really bad.. but I finally stopped.. I was done with it.. over.. but tonight.. I was laughed at by some really ignorant persons.. it shouldn't of affected me that much, but it did.. plus I'm drunk right now.. (I'm typing so well I impress myself) .... and I got home.. cried soooooo damn much... and.. this idea got into myself.. to cut.. thing is, I haven't cut in FOUR YEARS!!!!!!! ........................... but I found this old razor.. took out the razor blades and I cut myself.. 5-6 medium lines on my thigh (close where I used to cut before) ... only because of that stupid thing tonight... I don't get it.. I thought it was over.. maybe its because I'm drunk.. I don't know.. I didn't even reallyl got laughed at.. I have this thing on my face, its not a pimple, I've had it for two months (I think its some sort of cyst) its the size of the tip of my small finger (pinky) .. but I've messed with it.. so its more noticable.. and two persons said really stupid ingnorant things about it that really hurt my feelings.. (I'm so damn self consious about it.. ) ...........ahhhhh. .... why did I cut..... its been so long.. I don't understand.. I think I just need some encouragement right now.. I don't know... so sorry for my rambling.. didn't know where else to go....

*..life in pain..* · 25-11-2007, 08:54 AM

Im so sorry for what happened!probably you did it coz you were pissed with these people and you were drunk and you didn't have much control of your actions.i don't know what to say.4 years is very good!congrads!!you have done it once since but that doesn't mean that you will start again.try to stay strong and as safe as you can.

pm me anytime!

random.swirls · 26-11-2007, 07:33 PM

4 years is an amazing achievement it really is and what happened is a slip up and that is it.

You say you were drunk and I wonder if you would have cut if you were sober? I know I do things when I have had a drink or two and would never do whilst sober and all I can do is chalk it up to learning and move on from there.

Do you think you could see a doc about the 'cyst' if you are feeling self concious about it they should be able to remove it with ease and leave you feeling right as rain at the end.

Nat · 26-11-2007, 07:37 PM

You have done the right thing by coming back to a community that cares. Four years is great perhaps just see it as a slip up. We are here and if you need anything I am a PM away.
xxxx

Ingenue · 26-11-2007, 10:58 PM

Four years is an amasing achievement. Don't be disheartened. It would have been a slip up. Being upset & being drunk is never a good combination, and i have found through personal experiences you find yourself turning to more drastic measures to make yourself feel better.
Just see it as a slip up and aim to carry on with the great work.
If you ever need to talk just pm me okay?
x

shootingstar777 · 26-11-2007, 11:04 PM

Hi,

I have just come back after a few months away, and I didn't think I would be back either. Just think of it as a slip up, four years is a humongus(?) achievement, and one night should not make you feel bad about yourself.

If you would like to talk, my pm box is always open
*hugs*
Jess

xfallenxtooxdeepx · 12-12-2007, 04:20 PM

Hey guys, I know I'm kind of late in replying but.. I just want to say thank you. Your words made me realize that it's just a slip up and I probably would not have done it if I was sober. The thing on my face started to heal, its pretty much just a scar now, I guess it had to get really worse until it got better! Last week, I dislocated my knee and I live alone and was really depressed because I was on crutches and couldn't do anything by myself... usually that would've made me want to cut, but I didn't even get that feeling so I guess that other time.. the alcohol was pretty much the reason. I liked the feeling, after all those years it still feels sooo good. But I'm stronger than that now. I hope I won't have anymore slip ups because I regret it so much.
Anyways thank you all again, I really appreciate it!

Trucktastic · 12-12-2007, 10:08 PM

that's what this place is for!
4 years is a fab achievement, well done.

And glad you feel better and your cyst is healing.

Take care

Lozx