Triggering (SI) - Numb

[irkeninvader]

Ah fair enough, I guess there's not much more they can do if the work isn't there. Fingers crossed it gets better for you soon! I'm currently logged on here at work as I can't get my head into it this afternoon... oops! Getting more family time sounds good, if reducing your hours is an option :)

[squiggles]

So I'm still here at the same boring old job with not much to do and 75% of my time browsing the internet. 1 week per month is busy as I do payroll but I seem to have a good grip on that so I'll only get quicker at it over the coming months.
Been for 7 interviews in 3 months, not got a new job. I'm either not experienced enough, too experienced, not got experience in the right field or someone else was just that bit better than me.
I'm going down to 3 days per week from October, I'm still not convinced that it's the right thing to do but I can't seem to get away from here so at least reducing my days will mean I don't have to be here as often.
I'm also going to have a half day to myself to do my own thing. I'll probably spend some of the time cleaning the house or sorting out the family finances (which are a bit of a mess).
Thoughts of SH are frequently there, last night I scratch for the first time in years. Haven't got blades at the moment but I keep thinking about it. The longer I can go without buying / finding any the better. I'm more likely to SH if I have them available.
Shared a little of how I'm feeling with husband last night, which was helpful, but he did spend a fair amount of time focusing on himself and not really taking in all I was saying of how low I'm really feeling.
Anyway, I'm at work and should really go back and do something to earn my wages. Not sure what but I'm sure I'll finding filing to do if nothing else.

[squiggles]

First week of only working 3 days. Not even half way though (11am on day 2) and I'm already fed up.
I've got meetings in my diary so I'll have a few things to do later but I really wish I wasn't here. I'm so close to tears almost all of the time. Not sure how I keep going. Don't feel like I have anywhere to turn as it seems that everyone around me just expects me to keep going.
Spoke again to my husband last night. He understand more than I give him credit for, although he's at a loss of how to help me. I could continue to practice positive self talk and keep going but it's so exhausting I don't know how long I can keep it up for without breaking down. Especially when you have to keep it up in front of the children (1 yr old & 3 yr old). Keeping going is hard work.
I could go back to counselling but I feel like I keep returning there, once every couple of years. Is this how it works?
Oh well, I'm at work, I should earn my money I guess. Advert to write for Board Member. Not sure how it's different to any other post but here goes nothing.

[irkeninvader]

Reducing your days sounds like a step in the right direction - at least it leaves you free to do things you want to do for a little while. Could you use that half day as a self-care day, and focus on looking after yourself or doing something nice just for you? Even if that's just watching your favourite TV show all afternoon!

I can very much sympathise with the SH urges and having to keep it together in front of people. It's good that your husband is being supportive, even if he doesn't really know what to do.

I don't have much advice to give but I am always happy to listen!