Okay, when I was 9/10, a female friend of mine of the same age (I'm also biologically female and did not know I was trans at the time- idk if that's relevant), wanted to do sexual things and I did not want to. I remember clearly saying no and not wanting to. She proceeded to have me do things (not intercourse) and I felt horrible and still remember how I felt physically and mentally. I had never ever spoken about it to anyone, no friends or family because I was embarrassed and young (I'm 17 now) and I pushed it far back into my mind. I kinda just come to terms that I was young, she was young too and I had no right to feel bad about the situation.
However, the other week my therapist (who has now removed me from his 'care') basically made me tell him about this situation. He pretty much told me that it wasn't any type of abuse or anything because 'kids experiment', the girl who did it didn't go on to do it to others (to my knowledge?) and we were both 9/10, so I couldn't 'technically' consent.
Since talking about it to him, it's brought a lot of **** up for me and I just want to see what other people think. I never saw it as abuse, but I finally opened up to a friend the other day about it who has had a similar experience and said regardless of mine or her age and such, it happened when I didn't want it to.
In no way should he have made you feel backed into a corner of telling him, and then to completely invalidate and breeze over your emotions like that. I feel very strongly how damaging and confusing that must feel, to trust him and get such a response. I'm sorry opening up led to him brushing it off. Well done for managing to talk about it for the first time, that must have been difficult. Perhaps reading people's experiences of child on child sexual abuse (Cocsa) will help a little with starting to sort through the things that have come up for you. Your emotions are completely valid and you have every right to feel how you feel about the situation. I'm so sorry you got that response from him. I'd say, if you can, to find a therapist who specialises to talk through those emotions that are surfacing. You've done really well to start talking about it and I hope this therapist hasn't put you off from finding another professional.
Last edited by Nymphadora Tonks : 26-08-2017 at 10:25 PM.
Reason: Spelling
'What came first, the phoenix or the flame?'
'I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning'
In no way should he have made you feel backed into a corner of telling him, and then to completely invalidate and breeze over your emotions like that. I feel very strongly how damaging and confusing that must feel, to trust him and get such a response. I'm sorry opening up led to him brushing it off. Well done for managing to talk about it for the first time, that must have been difficult. Perhaps reading people's experiences of child on child sexual abuse (Cocsa) will help a little with starting to sort through the things that have come up for you. Your emotions are completely valid and you have every right to feel how you feel about the situation. I'm so sorry you got that response from him. I'd say, if you can, to find a therapist who specialises to talk through those emotions that are surfacing. You've done really well to start talking about it and I hope this therapist hasn't put you off from finding another professional.
Thankyou for making me feel like my emotions are valid and I'm not just overreacting. Yeah, I thought his reaction was a bit iffy, but I didn't know if that was just me interpreting what he said wrong or overthinking it. Okay, I'll have a look up on that, thankyou. Well, at the time I saw two therapists anyway but he had to give up on treating me because apparently, I was too high of a risk for him to deal with. So I'm still seeing the other person, but she isn't as easy to talk to and I don't think she's aware of what I spoke to him about because I don't think he put it on my notes.
Thanks again, I really appreciate your response. I did feel very put off by my therapist's reaction, but I feel more able to talk about it to my current therapist after reading your response.
I don't think that his reaction was particularly professional or supportive at all and I would encourage you to try to talk about your feelings with your current therapist.
Even though you were both young when it happened, it is completely ok to have a lot of confusing thoughts and feelings around it and to feel negatively because something happened that you didn't want.
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
That therapist's response is so completely irresponsible and unprofessional, as well as incorrect. I am very sorry he made you tell him about that (also the incorrect way to go about approaching a topic such as this) and then responded in that invalidating manner.
What happened to you is something you did not want, could not consent to, and is clearly something that effects you to this day.
Your feelings regarding what happened when you were younger (I know someone already mentioned cocsa) are completely valid and your reaction to the absurd actions of that therapist are also valid.
I think it's wonderful you were able to talk to a friend about it who has experienced similar. Should you feel like resuming therapy (with a different therapist) there are good ones out there trained in this who will not force information out of you or then dismiss your experiences.
That therapist's response is so completely irresponsible and unprofessional, as well as incorrect. I am very sorry he made you tell him about that (also the incorrect way to go about approaching a topic such as this) and then responded in that invalidating manner.
What happened to you is something you did not want, could not consent to, and is clearly something that effects you to this day.
Your feelings regarding what happened when you were younger (I know someone already mentioned cocsa) are completely valid and your reaction to the absurd actions of that therapist are also valid.
I think it's wonderful you were able to talk to a friend about it who has experienced similar. Should you feel like resuming therapy (with a different therapist) there are good ones out there trained in this who will not force information out of you or then dismiss your experiences.
Sorry for the late reply, I'm glad others can see how his response was invalidating and it wasn't just me overreacting. Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. I have continued therapy and spoke briefly to my current therapist about what happened and she was a lot more supportive and less dismissive. It hasn't really been discussed further or dealt with really but it's better than how my previous therapist dealt with it, considering he forced me to tell him, dismissed it and removed me from his care a week later.
It's a good thing you don't work with the same therapist anymore. Unfortunately, while therapists are supposed to be the most supportive and understanding people, some of them just don't seem to have any understanding of certain subjects. I'm sorry you've got to deal with someone like that and I hope you understand that your reaction to the painful memories is completely valid, and you've just been unlucky with your therapist. I am also deeply sorry you have to go through what you went through. While the person that hurt you can't really be held responsible for what she's done due to her age, that doesn't mean that you somehow was any less traumatized by what she's done. I am truly, deeply sorry and I hope your new therapist can help.
